I will fight but differently. It looks like I have to take a step back or maybe sideways in order not to incur any illness.
There is no turning back.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Hurt Locker
I watched / internalized the film the Hurt Locker.
This post is not about the film but about me, in my own hurt locker.
My father died of cancer in 1997 at the age of 64. He died because of his work. Perhaps the cancer was in him for sometime but because he was entrusted to produce the new institution - KIPSAS in Kuantan, Pahang out of nothing and pressured by the Secretariat of Pahang, his cancer excerbated. You see, my father is a quiet man, a hardworker and he will just take it and work on. Not like me, who followed my mother's "activist" character and would fight back.
However, I feel that I will die like him one day. Hopefully it will not be soon. But it's not easy when you do not get support from the bottom and the top and you are left on the limb most of the time. I also have a bad habit of not leaving alone the disability movement. Maybe they don't need me, but they keep referring to me to give advice.
I thought I could just concentrate the UM work but it has not been fulfilling and I am reduced to be a taskmaster to get results. But results are so difficult to get cooperation from others. The culture is people do not volunteer and assist unless they are coerced. A few do assist when its last minute and there is a few who care. Many are two-faced and just do minimum work and it will not look nice when you scold people older than you, for example.
In UM, I am just carrying on doing a job for a couple of years to assist that things go to plan and we do not sink. Yup. just keeping afloat. I do have standards of my own and do expect people to work their part, but they do not see the same standards or the same vision.
In the end, rather than addressing people who do not do work, I might as well just work on my own and never mind the rest, like what Yahaya and Helena did previously as head of department. However I think its a shame that we all cannot be leaders. I am not skiving off. I am not giving myself a rest while others assist. The more we chip in together and assist the better our school will be.
We are all leaders and its the same issue with the disability movement. Its not the analogy of the sheep following the shepherd or the followers following the leaders, but its more of facilitating and being a servant to the school, UM and the country.
The Hurt Locker depicted the lives of the bomb squad who dice with death every time there is a situation with war-torn Iraq. But we also dice our lives and can trigger a cancer or high blood pressure or heart attack every time we engage with our work. Because our work is important, that is why it is a difficult work with so many challenges and setbacks.
This post is not about the film but about me, in my own hurt locker.
My father died of cancer in 1997 at the age of 64. He died because of his work. Perhaps the cancer was in him for sometime but because he was entrusted to produce the new institution - KIPSAS in Kuantan, Pahang out of nothing and pressured by the Secretariat of Pahang, his cancer excerbated. You see, my father is a quiet man, a hardworker and he will just take it and work on. Not like me, who followed my mother's "activist" character and would fight back.
However, I feel that I will die like him one day. Hopefully it will not be soon. But it's not easy when you do not get support from the bottom and the top and you are left on the limb most of the time. I also have a bad habit of not leaving alone the disability movement. Maybe they don't need me, but they keep referring to me to give advice.
I thought I could just concentrate the UM work but it has not been fulfilling and I am reduced to be a taskmaster to get results. But results are so difficult to get cooperation from others. The culture is people do not volunteer and assist unless they are coerced. A few do assist when its last minute and there is a few who care. Many are two-faced and just do minimum work and it will not look nice when you scold people older than you, for example.
In UM, I am just carrying on doing a job for a couple of years to assist that things go to plan and we do not sink. Yup. just keeping afloat. I do have standards of my own and do expect people to work their part, but they do not see the same standards or the same vision.
In the end, rather than addressing people who do not do work, I might as well just work on my own and never mind the rest, like what Yahaya and Helena did previously as head of department. However I think its a shame that we all cannot be leaders. I am not skiving off. I am not giving myself a rest while others assist. The more we chip in together and assist the better our school will be.
We are all leaders and its the same issue with the disability movement. Its not the analogy of the sheep following the shepherd or the followers following the leaders, but its more of facilitating and being a servant to the school, UM and the country.
The Hurt Locker depicted the lives of the bomb squad who dice with death every time there is a situation with war-torn Iraq. But we also dice our lives and can trigger a cancer or high blood pressure or heart attack every time we engage with our work. Because our work is important, that is why it is a difficult work with so many challenges and setbacks.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Inglourious Basterds
I just finished watching Quentin Tarantino's latest film named The Inglorious Basterds. This is not meant to be a review, but if you want to know about it, this link is good:
rogerebert.com
Also the rotten tomatoes reviews.
Anyway, let's get back on my take on this movie.
This movie celebrates FILM. Because it is wicked and Tarantino, he blows up the cinema by using the film (nitrate content)to blow it up. But when you see the shots and frames, he celebrates FILM (with capital letters...)
You need to get pass the gory scalp and battered head scenes, but by now you are so use to Tarantino so it's a matter of course all that violence. But the brilliant part about the movie is of course the conversations. You must be a Tarantino fan to appreciate the long conversations. I would rewind the tape over and over again to check the nuances and double entendres of the message and story.
I mean, art is about nuances and the poetics of it all and Tarantino's movies are art forms of the genre.
There are so many delicious bits about the movie, in particular Brad Pitt's character and how he as an actor was enjoying it so much.
I leave you here with this link which is the best to describe the movie and make sense of it all.
Inglourious Bastards: Real or fictitious it does not matter
rogerebert.com
Also the rotten tomatoes reviews.
Anyway, let's get back on my take on this movie.
This movie celebrates FILM. Because it is wicked and Tarantino, he blows up the cinema by using the film (nitrate content)to blow it up. But when you see the shots and frames, he celebrates FILM (with capital letters...)
You need to get pass the gory scalp and battered head scenes, but by now you are so use to Tarantino so it's a matter of course all that violence. But the brilliant part about the movie is of course the conversations. You must be a Tarantino fan to appreciate the long conversations. I would rewind the tape over and over again to check the nuances and double entendres of the message and story.
I mean, art is about nuances and the poetics of it all and Tarantino's movies are art forms of the genre.
There are so many delicious bits about the movie, in particular Brad Pitt's character and how he as an actor was enjoying it so much.
I leave you here with this link which is the best to describe the movie and make sense of it all.
Inglourious Bastards: Real or fictitious it does not matter
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