Life is a game

"No way Jose!",someone would call out, if I say, "Life is a game." Surely, amongst us there are the serious people. I am one. I take life seriously.

For instance, being a lecturer is based on the fact that I want to do good. For humankind, society and for a life-long learning experience. Learning is good. We become better human beings. There are some things that was thought to me regarding spiritual and religious matters that I try to live up to. Fardhu kifayah or to be able to contribute to society and participate in positive community life.

Then why do I say, "Life is a game."

Provocation is a way to create an understanding and realisation about what constitutes life. However, I don't mean to be a "bully" and provoke people unnecessary. I just feel that I have some insights and some skills (blessed by God) to do things or make things happen in a society. I kept on using my intuition a lot in whatever I do. Sometimes its okay and many times it caused problems for me.

"Life is a game" means that there is a time frame put to life. There are rules and regulations set or interpret by the people who either want the game to happen in a harmonious and conducive manner or to control the proceedings. You can have a referee to implement the rules. Sometimes a whistle is blown when you are caught offside or fouling an opponent. You are not suppose to endanger other people or release your anger and take it out on an opponent. You could be sent off and not participate in life, like "go to jail" or "chill-out".

"Life is a game" also means that the clock is running, while you are in the game. You still can turn the game around by focusing on what matters most and step up on your performance. Say you had a bad 15 minutes of the game, so you analyse and be critical about your performance so far, and then you up your performance by learning quickly about your mistakes and keep focusing on getting better, because you are given the chance to get back into the game.

Sometimes you see someone who inspires you or give you reasons to perform better. So you motivate yourself and up your performance level, so that you get back into the game.

As long as the "final whistle" is not blown, you still have a chance to turn the game to your advantage.

PS - Like even in Islam, it is taught that you still have a chance to redeem yourself, any time before you leave this earth.

Knowing what to do

Sometimes we take ourselves for granted. For other people's sake, we say we can. For other people's peace of mind, we tell them we know what to do.

But often, we don't really know what we are doing?

Life is not made up of perfect packages for display.

It's more complicated than that.

In our religious belief, we are not animals. But we have some of their traits and make-up. For sure we are a living being, made up of cells and DNA...and that we will die. We are not inanimate, that's for certain. What differs us from animals is 'ihsan' or the humane part. The so-called higher part of 'intellect'. We could reason out to be human is to exercise intellect. So intellect is not for the learned but for everyone.

Let's go back to the point of "knowing what to do". To use our cognitive faculties, we become more skillful with our intellect. But there is a thing call common sense and there is a thing call "reality check".

If we do not know what to do, why must we make believe we know what to do? Why is it when we keep on trying to do some things, we keep on 'hitting a blank wall' or keep on 'slipping while trying to grip on the slippery walls of a well'?

Keeping a check on reality, we must first admit that, we do not know what to do. We need help to get it done. So we must call for help.

Sometimes it is so difficult to ask for help. Barriers such as pride, guilt, prejudice, hate or anger may block us from willing it. Pulling us back from saying "help".

Knowing what to do, must first constitute of realising that you know not what to do and asking for help.

The very first step is "to ask" what to do, in order to do it.

"What should I do, God? Please give me your Rope to grip."

It's another day

What's another day when you can't see straight, hugging on blurred edges, trekking back and forth. No end in sight, when you can't wait. It happens because you willed it wrong.

Second wind, where are you?

Just push me up from underneath with your aerodynamics, so I could fly.

An epiphany came and went. Too quickly. During crit.

I caught its back draft. Could not really catch its drift.

Balloons. Many of them, just float below the ceiling. Caught in the maximum of the minimum.

People came and went. Like cameo roles of the untouchables. Unreachable souls.

One day I will lose you. I came from you. You bore me.

My ties with the past will sever. I shall be floating like the balloons.

Maximum under minimum.

It's another day in paradise. Not a manic monday though.

Frustration

Today my design thesis students presented their first semester's work. Usually I would write about this in my "life is a design thesis" blog. But this is about how I feel personally and what its doing to me, so I write it here.

I write today in sheer frustration, about letting down my students. All of them. All of my design thesis studio students.

This is what I feel.

Don't try to make me feel better, because I know better. I know what could have been done better.

There are certain individuals I feel very responsible about because I did not get to them earlier.

I have no excuses except the fact that I realised the head of department's job had to make something 'give in' and in this case its the design studio.

Their is a lecturer who is concerned about the fact that I have the head of department's job and I agree its true, it affects the design studio. In fact the design studio marks are not bad, but I know the truth. I know that it could have been much better.

I want to tell my students why...

But having someone take my place may not help the situation. The grades may be the same though but I need to get real...

There must be a way to make it much better, next semester.

Automatic Pilot

I was at the faculty's lobby when I called out to a student to deliver something to the studio rep. After the transaction completed I said to him " Ah, I am on automatic pilot!" That's because I gave him something that I thought of giving three days ago, but the agenda had changed and it was obsolete. Hence, I was giving something today which I was suppose to be giving three days ago (as an auto-pilot mechanism thing...)

I have morphed into an auto-pilot person!

Of course its early days and I have to adjust myself, pace myself, work out the priorities...and the momentum of working is faster now.

Just don't want to trip and fall. Metaphorically and for real...

Flustered

Nowadays, I am feeling flustered due to the increased workload. It is expected, but only when you are facing it, will you know how it feels. Sometimes it feels like you are caught in the boxing ring ropes and the opponent is punching you mercilessly. So may things are coming at once, blow by blow...

Bruised, but you have got to take the punches. All in your stride and face it with pride. You will make mistakes again and again. And most of all, you are not in control of everything and often, anything...just tide after tide of washing over you...

Being the head of department, you despair for your students, not having the time or enough quality time with them. Before you could take longer breaths and look them in the eye longer to make them sure the understand you. Now its quickly and glibly and just hope to God that the message has been conveyed, let alone internalised.

But there is a time in our life where we are thrown challenges and this is one of them. Just take the bull by the horns...