The Original

I am the original, not a duplicate and not produced from a copy-machine. I was not derived from a template, and certainly not made by humans. If you wish to process me, to become like others, you will be disappointed. Because I was made to be an original and cannot be cloned.

When people say that if we want to influence someone, we have to do that in an early age, I do not subscribe to that theory. You can change someone even when they are older. Actually you cannot really change someone as each individual have their own desires and what makes them move or driven.

Each individual, when she wants something, she will try to get it. He will 'cross the river' to get it. She will reach out across the barrier to grasp what she wants. 

The problem is when he or she gets it and its in the hands. He or she may not know what to do with it.

It is not that clear cut what life is about. People say that life is about growing up, getting married and having kids and the life-cycle rotates. The kids then go through the process. What is perceived to be easy on the eye is what it is - easy on the eye.

But life is more than that. When someone confronts me and ask me, why don't you? Why don't you get married and have kids (although in reality only adoption is possible now...ahem) but seriously, why should I answer?

Why should I have to answer to this question which probably that person who asked did not give it a lot of thought, nor is this person actually know me very well.

Yes, you do not have to answer. Because the most important thing is inside of you. Your desires and your movement forward in life.

Sitting in my driver's seat

Coasting down the highway of your life, you may observe how the season's changed. Brown leaves dropping listlessly and graphic trees casting winter's shadows leaving you yearning for the youthful summer's sun to bend things around. Turning down the road, you see something beautiful and original and you want to have it for yourself. So you stopped and admire its beauty and how it engulfs you by its purity. You cry a little and the few drops of tears wet your dry cheeks, refreshing your mood, reminding you of that something which you yearned for all these years. All the earth's powers resonate within your being and you thanked the Al-mighty for letting you on the secret about yourself. Knowing about yourself is precious.

UM need to prioritise

A great lesson that I learned this week (and its barely Wednesday) is that Universiti Malaya have to prioritise its people and not just interested in covering its "arse".

UM here means people working in management. People want to criticise me, fine, for bailing out from being Head of Department, whatever...but at the end of the day, you need to be in tune with the staff's problems.

Of course, its a 'kick on my head' metaphorically, now I get to feel this lack of 'people first' policy about this issue of the lift (broken down since 6:12 pm on Monday), but do I have to take this over and over again. I had to go to JPPHB myself and sort it out where the faculty should have sort it out for me.

Wasting my time and energy that could have been put to good use. Wasted a whole day yesterday.

Decent people

In life, you sometimes meet decent people. People who are sensitive and take great pains to feel for you. I wonder if I am a decent person. I try to be one.

The thing is I am beginning to be very selective about caring for people. I want to only care about people who are decent. I use to think that someone could change and I still do, but I may not have the time to thik about these people. I mean, I feel that I don't really want to care by thinking about these people in the "not decent" group. Why should I give even an aota of concern for these people? All they want is to further their agenda and on the way step and hurt people. What for should I concern about them at all?

The ounce of concern that I may leave aside for this "not decent" people would take space...I use to not think that way, but maybe you get more sensitive as you grow older and you just do not want to entertain any more. You just do not want to care any more.

Tired

Sitting in the Starbucks cafe while trying to do work, I see a table of three people believd to be office colleagues, chatting about whatever...

That reminds me of my office colleagues. Nothing wrong with them. But you see them too often. You see them more than your family, but unlike your family, they do not love you, nor care for you. Maybe a bit, in a neighbourly, humanly way, but they will not care for your mental or emotional well-being. In fact, they could very well be the source of your pains.

Sometimes you feel like this because you are human and it is not all hunky dory with office relationships. Some people they could even sabotage you and stab you in the back or do some evil thing like say lies about you.

It is a nasty world out there. Politics sucks big time.

Feeling Insulted

Recently, I was feeling very insulted. Accusations and insinuations about me not doing my job properly was being felt.

I think leaders or people managing other people have to be very careful not to insult others. Like someone said, the "how" to tell is an art by itself to explain what is wrong about that person. You don't just bulldozed and ram the person down with your accusations.

However, I have calmed down some what as finally I got what I need. But was it fair to make it difficult for me for weeks. I was just doing my job.