Something got me last night

I just posted on my facebook status that: Its no use faking it, it's between you and God.

Then I commented:

yup, suddenly it dawned on me that we interact with humans, but the thing is not between that person and I, but between God and I...whatever outcomes, whatever product...it's all about you and God. It's an incredible powerful thought.

The reason why I said that was it occurred to me that (probably not for the first time) whatever we do does not concern other humans, but only our relationship (if that is called) between us and God. I went to sleep last night thinking about why do I need something so bad. and when I went out to get it and got it, was it out of desperation. And whether need is just a "good way" to disguise 'desperation'.

What got me was that, the measure of our worth as human beings is not judged by other people but by God.

I can do whatever I want. The argument is, if I do things because of other people, I have the wrong concept of life. I have it all figured wrongly.

There is a difference when you do things for people or when you do things for God. I mean, prayer and ibadah, like my teaching people is all very clear that its for God or to aspire Godliness. But if we do things like finding a life's partner, is it for God? You see what I mean. Its not clear right. Of course someone who is learned in the Quran and religious texts, would inform me that in the Quran it says so like that. That if you need to find a partner who fits the bill so that you will aspire Godliness. So don't find someone who is not going to help you aspire Godliness.

Actually that is not what I meant. What I meant is, you do not have to find a life partner. You do not have to do what you do not have to do. Was it because of desperation that you got one? But you will reason out because of a need to have one. What if you discover that you do not actually need one in the first place and it was because of desperation you got one. And then you figured out that you did many many things before out of desperation.

How would you know you do not need a life partner? After you have one, perhaps, you will realise you don't need one. You wanted one and got one out of desperation. So now what?

Then you realise it was not because of you, but because of God. You did it because of God.

All your life was this long discovery process of finding God. Of having a relationship with God. Everything you do is because of God, not because of your need but because of God. Then it makes sense. It makes sense that you did what you did based on pure desperation or pure need (whichever word you fancy).

How true is true? How pure is pure? Is it frightening to discover that your pure intention was really pure? Thant you did what you did because it will lead you further in your journey and nearer to God.

You may feel like shit or feel bad, but does not mean that you are far from God.