Going through the Motion

I don't like this at all. The feeling of dread and having to face the viva exam. I am beginning to freak out or am feeling rather nervous. I should be studying but I have tons of work to complete or maybe I am making excuses not to study.

I think about this PhD and its importance to me. Somehow it is suppose to be important to my career, but I am not feeling that. I was just so relieved that my supervisor excepted my submission which probably if I pass, have a million corrections for me to do. Probably I will have to take a year to do it, but that is the least of my worry, as I have been doing that all along...editing, correcting, over and over again. That part is fine. What is not fine is my overall state of mind. I feel that I am really tired - mentally. Is it a burn-out? I don't think so as I am constantly with ideas on my work as an architectural educationist. I am tired with tedium and going through the motion. At times I feel to be not motivated. I do things because I have to. I have to scare myself to do things.

Like, as lecturer, I tell myself, "This kid is failing, so I better say something..." or " The Council need some recommendations, I need to say something..."

Like what my student said, "Better said, than done." I am in the business of talking so I have to talk, but sometimes I wish I did not have to talk.