Takayama - Nagoya castle

Today on 27 November 2009, I need to take the train to Nagoya from Takayama. I missed the breakfast again at the hotel. So at 9:45 am I took the taxi to Cafe Scenery near the train station and ordered a Danish set, with cinnamon and bluebery croissants plus coffee. Coffee always taste good in Japan, some how.

Yeah, the Japanese is the ultimate consumerist. Perhaps that is the `clue` to all this.

I think we (many people) are fascinated with the Japanese. Since Frank Lloyd Wright and the Art Nouveaurist...the Japanese (question is) are they hell-bent on the preservation of their culture and would use the most advanced technology to preserve their culture? What is culture to the Japanese? Does it matter to the younger generation? (I got one perspective later from 26 year old Yuki)

How can you survive facing globalisation?

I think I want to be beyond Malaysia. Haruki, your novel will make more sense.

At the station, I got the reserved ticket at 5,870 Japanese yen (about USD 58)to Nagoya. Yup, its about 2 1/2 hours ride and I called Yuki that I will arrive there at 2 pm. Taking the Hida express no. 8 at 11:35 am. I hope that everything will be okay. I assumed that the railway station staff will assist me. I don`t think　I have too much stuff. But its hard to keep up pace. The Japanese people are so fast. I suppose it is worse in Tokyo.

What is driving the Japanese people?

A sense of duty, responsibility inculculated since childhood I suppose. No wonder nations want to control their children`s minds. This reminded me of Stephie not wanting to be German. That`s the other extreme. Do Japanese still believe deep in their psyche that they are the superior race. I noticed they only talked about the Americans other than themselves and even that just as reference. The British does not impress them.

Is there a huge gap between the older and younger generation?

It`s a quick trip so I don`t expect to get the answers so quickly.

I met Yuki and Koji at Nagoya station. Yuki has yet to finsih architecture and Koji dropped out of college earlier and worked for 10 years and only now started to study again. We went to a cheap sushi restaurant.

It was really great eating all sorts of sushi that I could not get back in Malaysia. They dared me to eat the crab brains sushi - urghh... and the smelly fermented `nato` or is it nutto? I did and the first one was gross. Nice kids. Yuki gave me Doala a Kunichi Dragons mascot...just like the truck driver in Haruki`s Kafka novel. And Koji gave me a milk caramel. I gave them the rest of the silk batik handkerchiefs and keychains, the baseball one for Yuki and the samurai one for Koji...

Yeah, we talked about being Japanese and the culture and preserve and all that. When we went to Nagoya castle, Yuki told me that he agreed the mayor`s decision to do a replica in timber of the castle extension. And the mayor is going to reconstruct the Nagoya castle itself, which was a concrete one built after the war. Why not, because the Japanese has the money and the know-how.

Someone asked me about this Japanese paradox and this is a fine example. Using new technology to preserve the old culture.

Takayama - Day 3

Today I presented on behalf of Malaysia. I tried my best. Talked about the legislative and implementation mechanism, basically the People with Disabilities Act 2008, and its impact as an instrument; then quickly touched on the the role of disabled people and concluded. Not much, just 10 minutes.

The scope of discussion in on the built environment and transportation, with a bent on employment. I think I managed to get two points across, where I would have loved to get three or four points out. The points I got across is 1. the PWD Act 2008 and the role of the Council; 2. mechanisms of implementation and why its not working. I suppose I did my best. I was steady and realised that I could not discuss on the access audits and the UNDP pproject.

Anyway, I hope people learned something.

Yesterday, I visited the Jinya which is an old courthouse and beautiful 17th century timber building and I was so happy because it gave me a great example of accessibility to a historic building...

It was the era of the shogun...and there was a torture chamber right there in the courthouse. They wiped our wheelchairs after we had to be pushed up the steps via two ramps, one short 4 feet one and longer 10 feet one. Both are portable ramps. Then we wheeled across the tatami mats of the courthouse.

I really loved the jinya. I have no time now, but maybe next time, I would like to have a longer stay in Japan and the means to travel and visit all these historic places in Japan.

Takayama - Day 2

I learned something new today.

Takayama is a real working example of inclusive society. Although the Japanese may not appreciate that much the word 'inclusive' because after all they are hierarchical structured society like Malaysia, maybe more so, but they do provide a very good example of how to make it very accessible.

Alan Hill, born in England and lived in New York, stated that he find Japan more accessible than the United States. Satoh mentioned to me that San Franscisco and Bekerley to be more accessible than Japan. Whatever it is, I find the Japanese people most endearing in their sense of duty and responsibility and their practical ways.

I am sure like in any society, they have many barriers to making the city accessible. Yamamoto-san said that it took them 10 years to come to where they are.

I said that Takayama is a good role model, yes, for other Asian cities especially for a historic city. I talked about us being stuck with the European model of preserving the historic city no matter what, but what about Takayama. Tomorrow we shall see, because I will be visiting Takayama historic city centre and the old Court House / Government building, Jinya.

Apart from that, a very interesting after dinner meeting chaired by Aiko where it states here from my observation;

ESCAP Meeting
Interesting interjection by Yamamoto-san for the group to reconsider what it is to be said in the Takayama Declaration. INteresting to see the political deliberation of the group meeting.

' LOST IN TRANSLATION'

No wonder that story / film really tells it about the foreigner in Japan. Even we can get it wrong with people of the same culture. Some things are more abstract though...

Journeys

Maybe many people don't do this or they do it differently but I have my "own Haruki Murakami" novel of my life...'Kafka on the Shore'. Age 15, and the hero Kafka discovered himself. As I have to continue discovering like him. I have the right to know about myself.

We may be doing selfish things. In a way everyone is selfish or practise whether they can see themselves or not. It's all about self-preservation. The number one thing that all living being wills itself to do.

Because we fall in love, we want to discover ourselves. It is a fact. We are selfish. Its not about the other person actually. Its about ourselves. Self-preservation again.

Like I said, today, Chapter One closes.

Let's look back:

1962 - 65 : Baby and toddler years or the beginning
1966 - 73 : Pain and strength
1973 - 79 : San Diego - my first journey
1976 - 79 : TKC years
1980 - 84 : First Pain as an adult
1985 - 90 : London years
1991 - 94 : UTM JB
1995 - 96 : Preamble
1997 - 04 : Finding myself after Dad died
2005 - 09 : Chapter One - my first spiritual journey

Yes, that's about it. If I die tomorrow, that's it. That's my life. Don't know what will happen after this.

First day in Japan

I cannot describe the feeling of euphoria and excitement being in Japan. It`s really amazing.

Somehow this visit coincided with a journey of trying to rediscover myself. It was intense and now it is continuing to be so. A spiritual journey of sorts.

So if you are waiting to read about my `journey in Japan` I am afraid you are in for a disappointment at the moment. As one fact is, my camera has no battery life and I am really in a spiritual journey rather. So, no Japan, just me...

I wish I can read beyond those Japanese characters. The formality, the sense of duty of the Japanese. It was a really smooth trip for me from the airport to right at Takayama train station. Although expensive, in Japan the box sushi bought at the convenience store taste better than the sushi in some Japanese restaurants back home! Can`t wait to have the real thing now...

Anyway, this spiritual journey of mine has come to a point where I am so really finding out about myself, incredible big time. What I can say is - `you will never know about yourself unless you find out`. Sounds not that profound and common sense, but I have never actually tried to find out about myself in a way that I have the right to. I had just accepted things as they come and figure out in a way that is `superficial`.

I have to have some time for myself to find myself. Often, we are awash with life`s activities and not really make the time. And another thing, we must touch base, keep abreast of our feelings. We cannot take ourselves for granted.

First day in Japan, land of the rising spiritual sun.

Conclude one chapter.

Bored with life?

That's the last thing that I would want to happen to me, to be bored with life. So much things to do and look forward to. But sometimes it happens, the lows, you know. When you just don't get inspired and what you do is going through the motions.

We are all searching for something. And inevitably its searching for inspiration. That's a reason for drug use or abusing ourselves with substance and other forms of addiction. Sensations and feelings of euphoria or just to feel good. No one wants to feel bad. Even if in an austerity drive or being kind of poor, you could enjoy life if you are inspired.

Traveling is inspiring when you could savor the travels or engage with the travel. The walking and waiting at airport lounges are upsetting at times and makes you bored and inspired, but the destination and what it awaits you should be something that you look forward to. It's like having to go through hassle and sometimes 'hell' to get to something worth doing all that for.

Having a really good communication and good relationship with people could be inspiring, especially in a work place which often drudgery and boredom reigns. Setting up goals and defining work functions really help to make a difference in an otherwise poor working environment.

We go through the mundane of the everyday, look forward to be with loved ones, family and sometimes friends.

But one important factor to be inspired is to have a constant companionship which feeds a certain need to learn about yourself. It's very abstract what I am saying because it can be any form. It has to be spiritual, and of course spiritual does not mean in religious terms here.

Let me just say it that, if your current relationship or partnership is not spiritual, just physical or going through the motions, you won't get inspired. It has to be spiritual. Your companion has to get inspired. Perhaps both of you get inspired from each other. Both of you has to be spiritual.

You know we meet so many people in our life, but to find people that inspire you is very rare. I mean this in relationships, not an idol or someone far away or someone like a figure head, that's your leader or boss. The person could be not a boss or leader but inspires you. If you meet once awhile that's well and good. But to be inspired everyday. Wouldn't that be wonderful.

To wake up everyday with that feeling that the world is at your feet and you feel a sense of freedom that you could do anything and every thing is possible.

Isn't that what every one wants?

Traveling is a drug...

I remembered my first journey at the age of 11.
My Dad went before us to San Diego to do his PhD. The rest of the family had to wait for me, on account of I have to complete my Assessment Exams (Standard 5). So we went to America, and I stayed there for 2 years, while they stayed longer.

I remember this first trip of mine so well. I can still taste and smell it. It really gave me a buzz, until now I still get buzzes with trips. Especially to new places.

Reading Murakami, I was dreaming of going to Japan. And it came true, the chance! It's all expenses paid to Takayama on account that I represent Malaysians to speak at a Congress.

But the point is here: I am going to travel! It gets me.

Life is a game

"No way Jose!",someone would call out, if I say, "Life is a game." Surely, amongst us there are the serious people. I am one. I take life seriously.

For instance, being a lecturer is based on the fact that I want to do good. For humankind, society and for a life-long learning experience. Learning is good. We become better human beings. There are some things that was thought to me regarding spiritual and religious matters that I try to live up to. Fardhu kifayah or to be able to contribute to society and participate in positive community life.

Then why do I say, "Life is a game."

Provocation is a way to create an understanding and realisation about what constitutes life. However, I don't mean to be a "bully" and provoke people unnecessary. I just feel that I have some insights and some skills (blessed by God) to do things or make things happen in a society. I kept on using my intuition a lot in whatever I do. Sometimes its okay and many times it caused problems for me.

"Life is a game" means that there is a time frame put to life. There are rules and regulations set or interpret by the people who either want the game to happen in a harmonious and conducive manner or to control the proceedings. You can have a referee to implement the rules. Sometimes a whistle is blown when you are caught offside or fouling an opponent. You are not suppose to endanger other people or release your anger and take it out on an opponent. You could be sent off and not participate in life, like "go to jail" or "chill-out".

"Life is a game" also means that the clock is running, while you are in the game. You still can turn the game around by focusing on what matters most and step up on your performance. Say you had a bad 15 minutes of the game, so you analyse and be critical about your performance so far, and then you up your performance by learning quickly about your mistakes and keep focusing on getting better, because you are given the chance to get back into the game.

Sometimes you see someone who inspires you or give you reasons to perform better. So you motivate yourself and up your performance level, so that you get back into the game.

As long as the "final whistle" is not blown, you still have a chance to turn the game to your advantage.

PS - Like even in Islam, it is taught that you still have a chance to redeem yourself, any time before you leave this earth.

Knowing what to do

Sometimes we take ourselves for granted. For other people's sake, we say we can. For other people's peace of mind, we tell them we know what to do.

But often, we don't really know what we are doing?

Life is not made up of perfect packages for display.

It's more complicated than that.

In our religious belief, we are not animals. But we have some of their traits and make-up. For sure we are a living being, made up of cells and DNA...and that we will die. We are not inanimate, that's for certain. What differs us from animals is 'ihsan' or the humane part. The so-called higher part of 'intellect'. We could reason out to be human is to exercise intellect. So intellect is not for the learned but for everyone.

Let's go back to the point of "knowing what to do". To use our cognitive faculties, we become more skillful with our intellect. But there is a thing call common sense and there is a thing call "reality check".

If we do not know what to do, why must we make believe we know what to do? Why is it when we keep on trying to do some things, we keep on 'hitting a blank wall' or keep on 'slipping while trying to grip on the slippery walls of a well'?

Keeping a check on reality, we must first admit that, we do not know what to do. We need help to get it done. So we must call for help.

Sometimes it is so difficult to ask for help. Barriers such as pride, guilt, prejudice, hate or anger may block us from willing it. Pulling us back from saying "help".

Knowing what to do, must first constitute of realising that you know not what to do and asking for help.

The very first step is "to ask" what to do, in order to do it.

"What should I do, God? Please give me your Rope to grip."

It's another day

What's another day when you can't see straight, hugging on blurred edges, trekking back and forth. No end in sight, when you can't wait. It happens because you willed it wrong.

Second wind, where are you?

Just push me up from underneath with your aerodynamics, so I could fly.

An epiphany came and went. Too quickly. During crit.

I caught its back draft. Could not really catch its drift.

Balloons. Many of them, just float below the ceiling. Caught in the maximum of the minimum.

People came and went. Like cameo roles of the untouchables. Unreachable souls.

One day I will lose you. I came from you. You bore me.

My ties with the past will sever. I shall be floating like the balloons.

Maximum under minimum.

It's another day in paradise. Not a manic monday though.

Frustration

Today my design thesis students presented their first semester's work. Usually I would write about this in my "life is a design thesis" blog. But this is about how I feel personally and what its doing to me, so I write it here.

I write today in sheer frustration, about letting down my students. All of them. All of my design thesis studio students.

This is what I feel.

Don't try to make me feel better, because I know better. I know what could have been done better.

There are certain individuals I feel very responsible about because I did not get to them earlier.

I have no excuses except the fact that I realised the head of department's job had to make something 'give in' and in this case its the design studio.

Their is a lecturer who is concerned about the fact that I have the head of department's job and I agree its true, it affects the design studio. In fact the design studio marks are not bad, but I know the truth. I know that it could have been much better.

I want to tell my students why...

But having someone take my place may not help the situation. The grades may be the same though but I need to get real...

There must be a way to make it much better, next semester.

Automatic Pilot

I was at the faculty's lobby when I called out to a student to deliver something to the studio rep. After the transaction completed I said to him " Ah, I am on automatic pilot!" That's because I gave him something that I thought of giving three days ago, but the agenda had changed and it was obsolete. Hence, I was giving something today which I was suppose to be giving three days ago (as an auto-pilot mechanism thing...)

I have morphed into an auto-pilot person!

Of course its early days and I have to adjust myself, pace myself, work out the priorities...and the momentum of working is faster now.

Just don't want to trip and fall. Metaphorically and for real...

Flustered

Nowadays, I am feeling flustered due to the increased workload. It is expected, but only when you are facing it, will you know how it feels. Sometimes it feels like you are caught in the boxing ring ropes and the opponent is punching you mercilessly. So may things are coming at once, blow by blow...

Bruised, but you have got to take the punches. All in your stride and face it with pride. You will make mistakes again and again. And most of all, you are not in control of everything and often, anything...just tide after tide of washing over you...

Being the head of department, you despair for your students, not having the time or enough quality time with them. Before you could take longer breaths and look them in the eye longer to make them sure the understand you. Now its quickly and glibly and just hope to God that the message has been conveyed, let alone internalised.

But there is a time in our life where we are thrown challenges and this is one of them. Just take the bull by the horns...

Second Raya

On the second day of Syawal, I got really sick. I went to the doctor and got a bag of medicine. Now I am just using raya holidays to get better.

A sore throat is really no good when you are a lecturer. Cause the vocal chords and the voice box is the money making asset. Of course the brain is the biggest asset cause no one's going to listen to nonsense (except of course there are exceptions), but anyway, back to my throat...I have to recover before getting back to work.

I think nowadays, its all about survival. Sometimes I feel that I am in a pit and I slowly have to find ways to get out of it, slowly but surely. Sometimes there is a huge mountain to climb, so I need to figure out the next footing to get higher and higher, slowly but surely. I don't think of turning back and least of all, looking down at where I was. I just need to steadily get up. Be resourceful and get my wits about me.

There is a world where we are alone.

This body of mine is temporary. This soul of mine resides in this body of mine, two entities trying to symbiotically help each other. Of course I don't feel the two are separated. Its part and parcel of the whole deal. It's the package!

We are perfect! Yup, just accept it. We are as perfect as we get. It is as good as it gets. A flaw here, a bad leg there, a finger missing somewhere...its nothing when you compare with the big picture.

About getting there...I mean, the bigger picture is about getting there...climbing out of that pit...getting a foothold and a grip...cause there is a reason.

You are a reason. There is a reason for you. God did not make you for fun. You fit in the bigger picture. You are the perfect fit for this bigger picture.

This Raya we have a lot to thank for. First thing is that we are alive. And healthy...(cough) Second thing is we still figure in the bigger picture. So get a toehold, a foothold, a grip and look forward to our destiny. We are destined to complete what is asked of us, even if we do not know yet what it is. As we know, if there is an answer to everything, we do not have to ask. But we kept on asking. because there are so many things that we have yet to learn.

So this Raya, we give thanks to what we had learned and what we will learn in the future. We give thanks to being blessed by so many things, least of all, by people who love us.

Language and us - Part 1

This person gave a very good comment with regards to whether "Language shape what we think?"

The comment was based on this article in Scientific American.

I think this is missing the point of how language impacts thought because it's too specific.

Language and culture impact the way things are considered. English is very unstructured. We make up new words constantly, change the meanings of words as we go, and really do what ever we want to the language to get across an idea. English speaking nations are also generally good at coming up with new things, re-inventing technologies and ideas. We're not terribly good when it comes to the detail of those ideas.

German is a very structured language. It's quite flexible, but the way new things are done is methodical. Words get longer and more specific and refined meanings are tacked on the end. That same structure is evident in the way Germans approach problems and solutions. There's an essential desire to be specific in a result. Most of the German engineers I know would rather not do something then do it in an inelegant way -- where the American engineers I know will solve a problem any way it can be solved, and worry about refining it later.

The Japanese language is highly structured and very finely detailed. The smallest nuance can have a big impact on meaning in spoken, written, or gestural language. It is not, however, very good at re-inventing itself for new ideas or concepts. In fact, most technology words end up being from other languages even if they come from Japan. This shows up in their engineering as well. They're amazing at taking a new concept and refining it, detailing it, and pulling out its essentials to put in an extremely efficient net package. I believe the 'exactness' of their language helps them communicate in a way that complements these traits. There's no vagueness at all.

Obviously these are archetypal social traits and examples will be freely found that don't match -- but there is a reason archetypes ring true on a broad basis.

One question I have though, is which comes first? Does language impact culture as I've described, or did language differences as described result from those cultural traits?

This lead me to the question: Am I what I am as a result of me speaking English or thinking in English?

I don't think I am "English" but totally am Malaysian. The English language is totally part of me being Malaysian.

More on this later

Thinking about Marcel Proust

I am studying Marcel Proust.
His name came up during a "facebook chat".
It was by accident.
I was texting on Annie Proulx but my co-chatter thought I mentioned Marcel Proust.
I looked him up being vaguely familiar with the name. A philosopher I would think. Perhaps French by the sound of it.

I read a review on his work (see link)and am intrigued about what Proust has to say. The reviewer said:

Transitional though it may be, ''In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower'' contains the dramatic, glorious entrance, along the seaside boardwalk in the Norman resort town Balbec, of ''la petite bande,'' the little gang of budding girls led by Albertine, who will become Marcel's passionate, obsessive focus of interest later in the novel. As he immediately recognizes, with both excitement and anxiety, the girls represent ''that extension and potential multiplication of self which we know as happiness.'' But he recognizes also the impossibility of ever fully possessing Albertine: ''My desire for her was desire for her whole life: a desire that was full of pain, because I sensed it was unattainable.'' In the pursuit of that unattainable, Proust gives us an extraordinarily detailed chronicle of desire as exploration, as suffering and as knowledge.

And I also found a quote in a another website:

Desire makes everything blossom; possession makes everything wither and fade.

It is extraordinary that Proust set out to explore a human condition, which is abstract, such as "desire", and produced a novel based on it.

I haven't read Proust, but I am intrigued nevertheless by Proust's approach.

Only God Knows

As long as I can remember, my adult life has not been straight-forward. There were so many twist and turns...and where I am now, I did not imagine that I would be here, in this experience. Like this.

I suppose life is like that. Unpredictable.

But that's me. And probably, no two lives replicate their journeys. Probably... only God Knows.

Even if two lives replicate their journeys, the two lives would not know of it. So its a no-brainer.

I have no complaints because I taught myself not to complain. I may whinge or sometimes cringe, but really no complaints. I chose to be here. That is to be an adult. To accept what you have chosen in life.

In fact, when you recite the Al-Fatihah, there is a verse that (translation cut and paste) says:

6. Show us the straight way,

7. The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.

We recite this verse over and over again in all our prayer times. Have we asked ourselves "what is the straight way?" and it says in the verse, that the straight way is "the way of those on whom Thou has bestowed Thy Grace", so the next thought is : who are those that God has bestowed His Grace?

In a way it is a figure of speech. Only God Knows whom He bestowed His Grace. Only God Knows. So this keeps us on our toes. That we be non complacent. That we always seek for continued affirmation, through our actions.

Some things are clearly said in the Quran and some things are figuratively speaking, so that we continue with the seeking. The trial and error of life.

So who are those that God Is most pleased with?

Only God Knows.

Missed being a student

I feel when you finished something major like a PhD, suddenly your student ways stopped. You do not have excuses anymore to be a student, to deal with drafts of work and to stay up late finishing work.

Normally one should be happy to get rid of student days and be looking forward to other things in life. Not me. Most of my life (that was happy) was when I was a student.

The other day, I was seriously thinking of doing another course. Something like Creative Writing or Philosophy. But that takes a couple of years for the former and four years for the latter. When will I do that? If its for a short course over the summer that would be possible, during my sabbatical.

When I was in a student state, I only worried for the present and the immediate steps to ensure my survival. But after, I completed my PhD course, I am suddenly entrusted to think about the future. I became increasingly engaged in the disability movement and efforts of the country via the Council work and the department of architecture. I morphed to that older side of me and grey hairs started to pop out more and more, eye bags became saggier...

Am I concern more about how I look or about having to be this person who has to carry all these "adult" responsibilities? Which is it?

It does not matter, but these jobs that I do, its because there is no one else being able to do them, and its a matter of shouldering it because I must. That's why parents look the way they are when they are entrusted with responsibilities that they have to do and no one else would take care of their kids obviously.

Well...I cannot run away from it, it seems, but I do have choices actually, unlike the parents...

To get there

All that you need is there for you.
In front of you.
Its not a mistake.
Where you are at.
You did not come here by mistake.
Just that you do not know where you are going.
Just now.
Just this moment.
It's all kind of blurry.
It is okay.
Nothing is clear-cut unless we 'will' it.
Sometimes we just have to keep on going, for the sake of getting somewhere.
Just on gut instinct.
Intuition.
Perceived notion.
Quiet intelligence.
Whatever it is to get there.

Pause Button

I pressed the pause button and waited. Usually we would press the pause button so that we could do something else or that something has taken us away from watching the video or listening to the music.

Yes, this time I waited. Because I keep on watching and keep on listening without emotion, without asking, just taking in the sights and sound...not really watching, not really listening...just numbing my senses.

Is there somewhere that I have to go or visit? Is there some place that I need to be at? At this juncture in time, I am asking myself because I never gave myself the chance to pause when I pressed for it... why did I press? Didn't I know myself before this? Before the pause... just to let something in, to fill a space and void, devoid of meaning and feeling and it was empty...

It was always empty. Do I need to fill it?