I just finished watching Quentin Tarantino's latest film named The Inglorious Basterds. This is not meant to be a review, but if you want to know about it, this link is good:
rogerebert.com
Also the rotten tomatoes reviews.
Anyway, let's get back on my take on this movie.
This movie celebrates FILM. Because it is wicked and Tarantino, he blows up the cinema by using the film (nitrate content)to blow it up. But when you see the shots and frames, he celebrates FILM (with capital letters...)
You need to get pass the gory scalp and battered head scenes, but by now you are so use to Tarantino so it's a matter of course all that violence. But the brilliant part about the movie is of course the conversations. You must be a Tarantino fan to appreciate the long conversations. I would rewind the tape over and over again to check the nuances and double entendres of the message and story.
I mean, art is about nuances and the poetics of it all and Tarantino's movies are art forms of the genre.
There are so many delicious bits about the movie, in particular Brad Pitt's character and how he as an actor was enjoying it so much.
I leave you here with this link which is the best to describe the movie and make sense of it all.
Inglourious Bastards: Real or fictitious it does not matter
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Taking A Stand
Never be on the fence.
Take the opportunity, once its given to you, to make a stand.
It is possible to make a difference.
Because taking a stand means that you are making your presence felt.
Because you are not just a number standing in line.
You are not just making the numbers.
You have ideas and a strong contribution to society.
Go on and take a stand.
It is now or never.
Take the opportunity, once its given to you, to make a stand.
It is possible to make a difference.
Because taking a stand means that you are making your presence felt.
Because you are not just a number standing in line.
You are not just making the numbers.
You have ideas and a strong contribution to society.
Go on and take a stand.
It is now or never.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Going back to my roots
I think teaching the lower years who be more exciting... Actually I have no problem teaching the upper years ie 5th year design thesis studio, but I think teaching the lower years would be more challenging and interesting. At this juncture of my intellectual development...
Monday, December 28, 2009
Lack of inspiration requires heroes
Sometimes we sat slumped in our seats, tired and worn. Not so much out of physical tiredness, but more like, mentally and spiritually spent.
There is a side to us, the spiritual side which we often neglect. Straight on, we would expect our spiritual side to be nourished with spiritual activities, like doing prayers and such. However, I would like to add that the emotional side is strongly linked with the spiritual side and that when the emotional needs are being fed, the spirit is revived.
Take for instance - being inspired. To be inspired requires oneself to "cry" in ecstasy of the incredible and sublime moment witnessed or felt. To connect with a moment of sublimity and pure joy would be incredible.
What gets you?
What makes you inspired?
When I visited the Van Gogh Museum at Amsterdam, and viewing his work, I get inspired. Something stirred within me.
When I watched Steven Gerrard scored that wonderful header against Wolves, I got tears in my eyes.
These things inspired me because I have a connection to them. An emotional one. And it carried my spirits, afloat, if for a moment.
We should not be shy to say that we are inspired by some act of sublimity by humans. It is ours. We do not have to be apologetic about it.
Of course, we witness the Act of God and there are many around us.
It is human to be touched by other humans because we operate in so many ways. Not just one way.
But two ways. And at best of times, these moments are with other humans. Our heroes...every day...
We are connected and in that emotional connection, we can get inspired.
When we lack inspiration, we require 'our heroes' to show the way.
There is a side to us, the spiritual side which we often neglect. Straight on, we would expect our spiritual side to be nourished with spiritual activities, like doing prayers and such. However, I would like to add that the emotional side is strongly linked with the spiritual side and that when the emotional needs are being fed, the spirit is revived.
Take for instance - being inspired. To be inspired requires oneself to "cry" in ecstasy of the incredible and sublime moment witnessed or felt. To connect with a moment of sublimity and pure joy would be incredible.
What gets you?
What makes you inspired?
When I visited the Van Gogh Museum at Amsterdam, and viewing his work, I get inspired. Something stirred within me.
When I watched Steven Gerrard scored that wonderful header against Wolves, I got tears in my eyes.
These things inspired me because I have a connection to them. An emotional one. And it carried my spirits, afloat, if for a moment.
We should not be shy to say that we are inspired by some act of sublimity by humans. It is ours. We do not have to be apologetic about it.
Of course, we witness the Act of God and there are many around us.
It is human to be touched by other humans because we operate in so many ways. Not just one way.
But two ways. And at best of times, these moments are with other humans. Our heroes...every day...
We are connected and in that emotional connection, we can get inspired.
When we lack inspiration, we require 'our heroes' to show the way.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
We
We
by
L6
“The socialism I believe in is not really politics. It is a way of living. It is humanity. I believe the only way to live and to be truly successful is by collective effort, with everyone working for each other, everyone helping each other, and everyone having a share of the rewards at the end of the day. That might be asking a lot, but it's the way I see football and the way I see life.”
I know what you’re thinking. Not another Bill Shankly quotation. Not another call to arms to the digital masses. Not another series of statements struggling unsuccessfully to penetrate the mind of those who have already made theirs up on our manager, our owners, our support and our football club – for better or for worse.
It isn’t as it seems, though.
I quote Bill Shankly, not because we have just passed the 50th anniversary of his appointment, not because I’m making some convoluted comparison with our current manager, not even because he is our greatest manager ever (arguably).
I quote it because it is the best view on socialism I’ve ever read. It’s perfect. I don’t claim to be a political expert but it is a view I subscribe to. It is people helping other people with collective effort – and it’s doing so in football and life.
It isn’t football I’m really interested in. This brief exploration into the hefty concept socialism isn’t about how Aurelio and Benayoun should be helping each other or how the attitude of our captain needs to change. It’s about the fans. It’s about life.
The socialism Shankly believed in was not just limited to on the pitch. He recognised that vital link between the players and the fans, between the city and the football club. They worked with each other and helped each other. The football club would not have 18 league titles or 5 European Cups if it wasn’t for the city or the fans. The city wouldn’t be what it is now if it wasn’t for the football club. That’s unity, that’s collective effort – that’s Shankly’s socialism.
For me, an attack on our football club is an attack on our city. I listened to Portsmouth fans on Saturday urging the omniscient football deity to feed us and let us know it’s Christmas time. That extends further than football ‘banter’ to me – that’s the people of Portsmouth mocking the people of Liverpool. Years of stereotypes against the city regurgitated through the medium of football. And it’s not just Portsmouth. Newcastle, Aston Villa, Manchester United…all the country’s major cities, trying to shit at us at a great height.
But our away end, no matter what shit we get, shrug it off because we’re Liverpool. We represent our football club and we represent our city.
As far as I can remember – and I’m sure the esteemed older gentleman of yesteryear (hello Chopper) can think back even longer – Liverpool has been a target of ridicule and unfair treatment, both the city and the football club. The media and the mayor of dat der London may pass it off as self-pitying but that’s bollocks. Anyone who says the media doesn’t have an agenda against the city or the football club needs to look harder.
But we, the people of Liverpool and the fans of Liverpool Football Club, have never allowed them to hit that target. We’ve united, we’ve stood up, we’ve fought, clawed, battled and rose up against those who tried to harm us. We are a special breed who looks out for one another. We try our best to uphold our traditions. We go away to European cities as football fans and we treat our hosts with respect because we want the world to know why we are different and why what the media and the rest of the country say is a pile of shite.
We.
We are in the midst of another barrage from the media and the country who believe that their word is gospel. Probably the worst I’ve ever experienced. They are trying to humiliate our football club and humiliate our city. They are trying to humiliate the man who has done his best to understand the link between club and city since he’s been in charge. They are trying to humiliate the captain of our football club and therefore an ambassador of our city. They are trying to humiliate the fans who watch their football club every single week.
It does not matter if you want Rafael Benitez to be our manager because at the moment he is. He is part of Liverpool Football Club, he cares about Liverpool Football Club and therefore he cares about the city and its people. There has to be a collective effort to help him – he is one of us and we look out for our own because he’s not one of them.
It does not matter if you want Steven Gerrard to be our captain because at the moment he is. He is part of Liverpool Football Club, he cares about Liverpool Football Club and therefore he cares about the city and its people. There has to be a collective effort to help him – he is one of us and we look out for our own because he’s not one of them.
We as a football club, and therefore a city, must take this latest bombardment and not let us become an easy target. We’ve always fought against the shit we’ve been given and thrown it back twice as hard because we’re Liverpool.
It’s more than football, it’s a deep rooted agenda against us and I’ll be fucked if we’re going to let them win now.
Show Shanks that it wasn’t asking a lot and that his idea of socialism is still in this football club and it’s still in this city, even though the sport and society has changed a lot since then. At times like these, looking after each other is the only thing we can rely on and no matter what your personal belief is, we’ve won battles against them before with our unity, so stick together and get behind our city, our football club and those who have its best interests at heart.
I’m not saying if we do this we’ll win the title or we’ll win the cup. It’s much more important than that, it’s about upholding our integrity and not letting the bastards win. And to let Shankly’s legacy and hope live on:
“Above all, I would like to be remembered as a man who was selfless, who strove and worried so that others could share the glory, and who built up a family of people who could hold their heads up high and say, 'We're Liverpool'.”
by
L6
“The socialism I believe in is not really politics. It is a way of living. It is humanity. I believe the only way to live and to be truly successful is by collective effort, with everyone working for each other, everyone helping each other, and everyone having a share of the rewards at the end of the day. That might be asking a lot, but it's the way I see football and the way I see life.”
I know what you’re thinking. Not another Bill Shankly quotation. Not another call to arms to the digital masses. Not another series of statements struggling unsuccessfully to penetrate the mind of those who have already made theirs up on our manager, our owners, our support and our football club – for better or for worse.
It isn’t as it seems, though.
I quote Bill Shankly, not because we have just passed the 50th anniversary of his appointment, not because I’m making some convoluted comparison with our current manager, not even because he is our greatest manager ever (arguably).
I quote it because it is the best view on socialism I’ve ever read. It’s perfect. I don’t claim to be a political expert but it is a view I subscribe to. It is people helping other people with collective effort – and it’s doing so in football and life.
It isn’t football I’m really interested in. This brief exploration into the hefty concept socialism isn’t about how Aurelio and Benayoun should be helping each other or how the attitude of our captain needs to change. It’s about the fans. It’s about life.
The socialism Shankly believed in was not just limited to on the pitch. He recognised that vital link between the players and the fans, between the city and the football club. They worked with each other and helped each other. The football club would not have 18 league titles or 5 European Cups if it wasn’t for the city or the fans. The city wouldn’t be what it is now if it wasn’t for the football club. That’s unity, that’s collective effort – that’s Shankly’s socialism.
For me, an attack on our football club is an attack on our city. I listened to Portsmouth fans on Saturday urging the omniscient football deity to feed us and let us know it’s Christmas time. That extends further than football ‘banter’ to me – that’s the people of Portsmouth mocking the people of Liverpool. Years of stereotypes against the city regurgitated through the medium of football. And it’s not just Portsmouth. Newcastle, Aston Villa, Manchester United…all the country’s major cities, trying to shit at us at a great height.
But our away end, no matter what shit we get, shrug it off because we’re Liverpool. We represent our football club and we represent our city.
As far as I can remember – and I’m sure the esteemed older gentleman of yesteryear (hello Chopper) can think back even longer – Liverpool has been a target of ridicule and unfair treatment, both the city and the football club. The media and the mayor of dat der London may pass it off as self-pitying but that’s bollocks. Anyone who says the media doesn’t have an agenda against the city or the football club needs to look harder.
But we, the people of Liverpool and the fans of Liverpool Football Club, have never allowed them to hit that target. We’ve united, we’ve stood up, we’ve fought, clawed, battled and rose up against those who tried to harm us. We are a special breed who looks out for one another. We try our best to uphold our traditions. We go away to European cities as football fans and we treat our hosts with respect because we want the world to know why we are different and why what the media and the rest of the country say is a pile of shite.
We.
We are in the midst of another barrage from the media and the country who believe that their word is gospel. Probably the worst I’ve ever experienced. They are trying to humiliate our football club and humiliate our city. They are trying to humiliate the man who has done his best to understand the link between club and city since he’s been in charge. They are trying to humiliate the captain of our football club and therefore an ambassador of our city. They are trying to humiliate the fans who watch their football club every single week.
It does not matter if you want Rafael Benitez to be our manager because at the moment he is. He is part of Liverpool Football Club, he cares about Liverpool Football Club and therefore he cares about the city and its people. There has to be a collective effort to help him – he is one of us and we look out for our own because he’s not one of them.
It does not matter if you want Steven Gerrard to be our captain because at the moment he is. He is part of Liverpool Football Club, he cares about Liverpool Football Club and therefore he cares about the city and its people. There has to be a collective effort to help him – he is one of us and we look out for our own because he’s not one of them.
We as a football club, and therefore a city, must take this latest bombardment and not let us become an easy target. We’ve always fought against the shit we’ve been given and thrown it back twice as hard because we’re Liverpool.
It’s more than football, it’s a deep rooted agenda against us and I’ll be fucked if we’re going to let them win now.
Show Shanks that it wasn’t asking a lot and that his idea of socialism is still in this football club and it’s still in this city, even though the sport and society has changed a lot since then. At times like these, looking after each other is the only thing we can rely on and no matter what your personal belief is, we’ve won battles against them before with our unity, so stick together and get behind our city, our football club and those who have its best interests at heart.
I’m not saying if we do this we’ll win the title or we’ll win the cup. It’s much more important than that, it’s about upholding our integrity and not letting the bastards win. And to let Shankly’s legacy and hope live on:
“Above all, I would like to be remembered as a man who was selfless, who strove and worried so that others could share the glory, and who built up a family of people who could hold their heads up high and say, 'We're Liverpool'.”
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Deciding to be blur
Tell me, do you decide to be blur or that you are really 'blur' with a capital B?
I mean, what's with the spaced out condition. Is studying taxing your brains too much? What's the deal huh? You want to get your degree by minimum effort?
It's very rude, in my opinion, people who has this attitude to do minimum effort.
It makes me think - why bother with these people?
I mean, what's with the spaced out condition. Is studying taxing your brains too much? What's the deal huh? You want to get your degree by minimum effort?
It's very rude, in my opinion, people who has this attitude to do minimum effort.
It makes me think - why bother with these people?
Friday, November 27, 2009
Takayama - Nagoya castle
Today on 27 November 2009, I need to take the train to Nagoya from Takayama. I missed the breakfast again at the hotel. So at 9:45 am I took the taxi to Cafe Scenery near the train station and ordered a Danish set, with cinnamon and bluebery croissants plus coffee. Coffee always taste good in Japan, some how.
Yeah, the Japanese is the ultimate consumerist. Perhaps that is the `clue` to all this.
I think we (many people) are fascinated with the Japanese. Since Frank Lloyd Wright and the Art Nouveaurist...the Japanese (question is) are they hell-bent on the preservation of their culture and would use the most advanced technology to preserve their culture? What is culture to the Japanese? Does it matter to the younger generation? (I got one perspective later from 26 year old Yuki)
How can you survive facing globalisation?
I think I want to be beyond Malaysia. Haruki, your novel will make more sense.
At the station, I got the reserved ticket at 5,870 Japanese yen (about USD 58)to Nagoya. Yup, its about 2 1/2 hours ride and I called Yuki that I will arrive there at 2 pm. Taking the Hida express no. 8 at 11:35 am. I hope that everything will be okay. I assumed that the railway station staff will assist me. I don`t think I have too much stuff. But its hard to keep up pace. The Japanese people are so fast. I suppose it is worse in Tokyo.
What is driving the Japanese people?
A sense of duty, responsibility inculculated since childhood I suppose. No wonder nations want to control their children`s minds. This reminded me of Stephie not wanting to be German. That`s the other extreme. Do Japanese still believe deep in their psyche that they are the superior race. I noticed they only talked about the Americans other than themselves and even that just as reference. The British does not impress them.
Is there a huge gap between the older and younger generation?
It`s a quick trip so I don`t expect to get the answers so quickly.
I met Yuki and Koji at Nagoya station. Yuki has yet to finsih architecture and Koji dropped out of college earlier and worked for 10 years and only now started to study again. We went to a cheap sushi restaurant.
It was really great eating all sorts of sushi that I could not get back in Malaysia. They dared me to eat the crab brains sushi - urghh... and the smelly fermented `nato` or is it nutto? I did and the first one was gross. Nice kids. Yuki gave me Doala a Kunichi Dragons mascot...just like the truck driver in Haruki`s Kafka novel. And Koji gave me a milk caramel. I gave them the rest of the silk batik handkerchiefs and keychains, the baseball one for Yuki and the samurai one for Koji...
Yeah, we talked about being Japanese and the culture and preserve and all that. When we went to Nagoya castle, Yuki told me that he agreed the mayor`s decision to do a replica in timber of the castle extension. And the mayor is going to reconstruct the Nagoya castle itself, which was a concrete one built after the war. Why not, because the Japanese has the money and the know-how.
Someone asked me about this Japanese paradox and this is a fine example. Using new technology to preserve the old culture.
Yeah, the Japanese is the ultimate consumerist. Perhaps that is the `clue` to all this.
I think we (many people) are fascinated with the Japanese. Since Frank Lloyd Wright and the Art Nouveaurist...the Japanese (question is) are they hell-bent on the preservation of their culture and would use the most advanced technology to preserve their culture? What is culture to the Japanese? Does it matter to the younger generation? (I got one perspective later from 26 year old Yuki)
How can you survive facing globalisation?
I think I want to be beyond Malaysia. Haruki, your novel will make more sense.
At the station, I got the reserved ticket at 5,870 Japanese yen (about USD 58)to Nagoya. Yup, its about 2 1/2 hours ride and I called Yuki that I will arrive there at 2 pm. Taking the Hida express no. 8 at 11:35 am. I hope that everything will be okay. I assumed that the railway station staff will assist me. I don`t think I have too much stuff. But its hard to keep up pace. The Japanese people are so fast. I suppose it is worse in Tokyo.
What is driving the Japanese people?
A sense of duty, responsibility inculculated since childhood I suppose. No wonder nations want to control their children`s minds. This reminded me of Stephie not wanting to be German. That`s the other extreme. Do Japanese still believe deep in their psyche that they are the superior race. I noticed they only talked about the Americans other than themselves and even that just as reference. The British does not impress them.
Is there a huge gap between the older and younger generation?
It`s a quick trip so I don`t expect to get the answers so quickly.
I met Yuki and Koji at Nagoya station. Yuki has yet to finsih architecture and Koji dropped out of college earlier and worked for 10 years and only now started to study again. We went to a cheap sushi restaurant.
It was really great eating all sorts of sushi that I could not get back in Malaysia. They dared me to eat the crab brains sushi - urghh... and the smelly fermented `nato` or is it nutto? I did and the first one was gross. Nice kids. Yuki gave me Doala a Kunichi Dragons mascot...just like the truck driver in Haruki`s Kafka novel. And Koji gave me a milk caramel. I gave them the rest of the silk batik handkerchiefs and keychains, the baseball one for Yuki and the samurai one for Koji...
Yeah, we talked about being Japanese and the culture and preserve and all that. When we went to Nagoya castle, Yuki told me that he agreed the mayor`s decision to do a replica in timber of the castle extension. And the mayor is going to reconstruct the Nagoya castle itself, which was a concrete one built after the war. Why not, because the Japanese has the money and the know-how.
Someone asked me about this Japanese paradox and this is a fine example. Using new technology to preserve the old culture.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Takayama - Day 3
Today I presented on behalf of Malaysia. I tried my best. Talked about the legislative and implementation mechanism, basically the People with Disabilities Act 2008, and its impact as an instrument; then quickly touched on the the role of disabled people and concluded. Not much, just 10 minutes.
The scope of discussion in on the built environment and transportation, with a bent on employment. I think I managed to get two points across, where I would have loved to get three or four points out. The points I got across is 1. the PWD Act 2008 and the role of the Council; 2. mechanisms of implementation and why its not working. I suppose I did my best. I was steady and realised that I could not discuss on the access audits and the UNDP pproject.
Anyway, I hope people learned something.
Yesterday, I visited the Jinya which is an old courthouse and beautiful 17th century timber building and I was so happy because it gave me a great example of accessibility to a historic building...
It was the era of the shogun...and there was a torture chamber right there in the courthouse. They wiped our wheelchairs after we had to be pushed up the steps via two ramps, one short 4 feet one and longer 10 feet one. Both are portable ramps. Then we wheeled across the tatami mats of the courthouse.
I really loved the jinya. I have no time now, but maybe next time, I would like to have a longer stay in Japan and the means to travel and visit all these historic places in Japan.
The scope of discussion in on the built environment and transportation, with a bent on employment. I think I managed to get two points across, where I would have loved to get three or four points out. The points I got across is 1. the PWD Act 2008 and the role of the Council; 2. mechanisms of implementation and why its not working. I suppose I did my best. I was steady and realised that I could not discuss on the access audits and the UNDP pproject.
Anyway, I hope people learned something.
Yesterday, I visited the Jinya which is an old courthouse and beautiful 17th century timber building and I was so happy because it gave me a great example of accessibility to a historic building...
It was the era of the shogun...and there was a torture chamber right there in the courthouse. They wiped our wheelchairs after we had to be pushed up the steps via two ramps, one short 4 feet one and longer 10 feet one. Both are portable ramps. Then we wheeled across the tatami mats of the courthouse.
I really loved the jinya. I have no time now, but maybe next time, I would like to have a longer stay in Japan and the means to travel and visit all these historic places in Japan.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Takayama - Day 2
I learned something new today.
Takayama is a real working example of inclusive society. Although the Japanese may not appreciate that much the word 'inclusive' because after all they are hierarchical structured society like Malaysia, maybe more so, but they do provide a very good example of how to make it very accessible.
Alan Hill, born in England and lived in New York, stated that he find Japan more accessible than the United States. Satoh mentioned to me that San Franscisco and Bekerley to be more accessible than Japan. Whatever it is, I find the Japanese people most endearing in their sense of duty and responsibility and their practical ways.
I am sure like in any society, they have many barriers to making the city accessible. Yamamoto-san said that it took them 10 years to come to where they are.
I said that Takayama is a good role model, yes, for other Asian cities especially for a historic city. I talked about us being stuck with the European model of preserving the historic city no matter what, but what about Takayama. Tomorrow we shall see, because I will be visiting Takayama historic city centre and the old Court House / Government building, Jinya.
Apart from that, a very interesting after dinner meeting chaired by Aiko where it states here from my observation;
ESCAP Meeting
Interesting interjection by Yamamoto-san for the group to reconsider what it is to be said in the Takayama Declaration. INteresting to see the political deliberation of the group meeting.
' LOST IN TRANSLATION'
No wonder that story / film really tells it about the foreigner in Japan. Even we can get it wrong with people of the same culture. Some things are more abstract though...
Takayama is a real working example of inclusive society. Although the Japanese may not appreciate that much the word 'inclusive' because after all they are hierarchical structured society like Malaysia, maybe more so, but they do provide a very good example of how to make it very accessible.
Alan Hill, born in England and lived in New York, stated that he find Japan more accessible than the United States. Satoh mentioned to me that San Franscisco and Bekerley to be more accessible than Japan. Whatever it is, I find the Japanese people most endearing in their sense of duty and responsibility and their practical ways.
I am sure like in any society, they have many barriers to making the city accessible. Yamamoto-san said that it took them 10 years to come to where they are.
I said that Takayama is a good role model, yes, for other Asian cities especially for a historic city. I talked about us being stuck with the European model of preserving the historic city no matter what, but what about Takayama. Tomorrow we shall see, because I will be visiting Takayama historic city centre and the old Court House / Government building, Jinya.
Apart from that, a very interesting after dinner meeting chaired by Aiko where it states here from my observation;
ESCAP Meeting
Interesting interjection by Yamamoto-san for the group to reconsider what it is to be said in the Takayama Declaration. INteresting to see the political deliberation of the group meeting.
' LOST IN TRANSLATION'
No wonder that story / film really tells it about the foreigner in Japan. Even we can get it wrong with people of the same culture. Some things are more abstract though...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Journeys
Maybe many people don't do this or they do it differently but I have my "own Haruki Murakami" novel of my life...'Kafka on the Shore'. Age 15, and the hero Kafka discovered himself. As I have to continue discovering like him. I have the right to know about myself.
We may be doing selfish things. In a way everyone is selfish or practise whether they can see themselves or not. It's all about self-preservation. The number one thing that all living being wills itself to do.
Because we fall in love, we want to discover ourselves. It is a fact. We are selfish. Its not about the other person actually. Its about ourselves. Self-preservation again.
Like I said, today, Chapter One closes.
Let's look back:
1962 - 65 : Baby and toddler years or the beginning
1966 - 73 : Pain and strength
1973 - 79 : San Diego - my first journey
1976 - 79 : TKC years
1980 - 84 : First Pain as an adult
1985 - 90 : London years
1991 - 94 : UTM JB
1995 - 96 : Preamble
1997 - 04 : Finding myself after Dad died
2005 - 09 : Chapter One - my first spiritual journey
Yes, that's about it. If I die tomorrow, that's it. That's my life. Don't know what will happen after this.
We may be doing selfish things. In a way everyone is selfish or practise whether they can see themselves or not. It's all about self-preservation. The number one thing that all living being wills itself to do.
Because we fall in love, we want to discover ourselves. It is a fact. We are selfish. Its not about the other person actually. Its about ourselves. Self-preservation again.
Like I said, today, Chapter One closes.
Let's look back:
1962 - 65 : Baby and toddler years or the beginning
1966 - 73 : Pain and strength
1973 - 79 : San Diego - my first journey
1976 - 79 : TKC years
1980 - 84 : First Pain as an adult
1985 - 90 : London years
1991 - 94 : UTM JB
1995 - 96 : Preamble
1997 - 04 : Finding myself after Dad died
2005 - 09 : Chapter One - my first spiritual journey
Yes, that's about it. If I die tomorrow, that's it. That's my life. Don't know what will happen after this.
First day in Japan
I cannot describe the feeling of euphoria and excitement being in Japan. It`s really amazing.
Somehow this visit coincided with a journey of trying to rediscover myself. It was intense and now it is continuing to be so. A spiritual journey of sorts.
So if you are waiting to read about my `journey in Japan` I am afraid you are in for a disappointment at the moment. As one fact is, my camera has no battery life and I am really in a spiritual journey rather. So, no Japan, just me...
I wish I can read beyond those Japanese characters. The formality, the sense of duty of the Japanese. It was a really smooth trip for me from the airport to right at Takayama train station. Although expensive, in Japan the box sushi bought at the convenience store taste better than the sushi in some Japanese restaurants back home! Can`t wait to have the real thing now...
Anyway, this spiritual journey of mine has come to a point where I am so really finding out about myself, incredible big time. What I can say is - `you will never know about yourself unless you find out`. Sounds not that profound and common sense, but I have never actually tried to find out about myself in a way that I have the right to. I had just accepted things as they come and figure out in a way that is `superficial`.
I have to have some time for myself to find myself. Often, we are awash with life`s activities and not really make the time. And another thing, we must touch base, keep abreast of our feelings. We cannot take ourselves for granted.
First day in Japan, land of the rising spiritual sun.
Conclude one chapter.
Somehow this visit coincided with a journey of trying to rediscover myself. It was intense and now it is continuing to be so. A spiritual journey of sorts.
So if you are waiting to read about my `journey in Japan` I am afraid you are in for a disappointment at the moment. As one fact is, my camera has no battery life and I am really in a spiritual journey rather. So, no Japan, just me...
I wish I can read beyond those Japanese characters. The formality, the sense of duty of the Japanese. It was a really smooth trip for me from the airport to right at Takayama train station. Although expensive, in Japan the box sushi bought at the convenience store taste better than the sushi in some Japanese restaurants back home! Can`t wait to have the real thing now...
Anyway, this spiritual journey of mine has come to a point where I am so really finding out about myself, incredible big time. What I can say is - `you will never know about yourself unless you find out`. Sounds not that profound and common sense, but I have never actually tried to find out about myself in a way that I have the right to. I had just accepted things as they come and figure out in a way that is `superficial`.
I have to have some time for myself to find myself. Often, we are awash with life`s activities and not really make the time. And another thing, we must touch base, keep abreast of our feelings. We cannot take ourselves for granted.
First day in Japan, land of the rising spiritual sun.
Conclude one chapter.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Bored with life?
That's the last thing that I would want to happen to me, to be bored with life. So much things to do and look forward to. But sometimes it happens, the lows, you know. When you just don't get inspired and what you do is going through the motions.
We are all searching for something. And inevitably its searching for inspiration. That's a reason for drug use or abusing ourselves with substance and other forms of addiction. Sensations and feelings of euphoria or just to feel good. No one wants to feel bad. Even if in an austerity drive or being kind of poor, you could enjoy life if you are inspired.
Traveling is inspiring when you could savor the travels or engage with the travel. The walking and waiting at airport lounges are upsetting at times and makes you bored and inspired, but the destination and what it awaits you should be something that you look forward to. It's like having to go through hassle and sometimes 'hell' to get to something worth doing all that for.
Having a really good communication and good relationship with people could be inspiring, especially in a work place which often drudgery and boredom reigns. Setting up goals and defining work functions really help to make a difference in an otherwise poor working environment.
We go through the mundane of the everyday, look forward to be with loved ones, family and sometimes friends.
But one important factor to be inspired is to have a constant companionship which feeds a certain need to learn about yourself. It's very abstract what I am saying because it can be any form. It has to be spiritual, and of course spiritual does not mean in religious terms here.
Let me just say it that, if your current relationship or partnership is not spiritual, just physical or going through the motions, you won't get inspired. It has to be spiritual. Your companion has to get inspired. Perhaps both of you get inspired from each other. Both of you has to be spiritual.
You know we meet so many people in our life, but to find people that inspire you is very rare. I mean this in relationships, not an idol or someone far away or someone like a figure head, that's your leader or boss. The person could be not a boss or leader but inspires you. If you meet once awhile that's well and good. But to be inspired everyday. Wouldn't that be wonderful.
To wake up everyday with that feeling that the world is at your feet and you feel a sense of freedom that you could do anything and every thing is possible.
Isn't that what every one wants?
We are all searching for something. And inevitably its searching for inspiration. That's a reason for drug use or abusing ourselves with substance and other forms of addiction. Sensations and feelings of euphoria or just to feel good. No one wants to feel bad. Even if in an austerity drive or being kind of poor, you could enjoy life if you are inspired.
Traveling is inspiring when you could savor the travels or engage with the travel. The walking and waiting at airport lounges are upsetting at times and makes you bored and inspired, but the destination and what it awaits you should be something that you look forward to. It's like having to go through hassle and sometimes 'hell' to get to something worth doing all that for.
Having a really good communication and good relationship with people could be inspiring, especially in a work place which often drudgery and boredom reigns. Setting up goals and defining work functions really help to make a difference in an otherwise poor working environment.
We go through the mundane of the everyday, look forward to be with loved ones, family and sometimes friends.
But one important factor to be inspired is to have a constant companionship which feeds a certain need to learn about yourself. It's very abstract what I am saying because it can be any form. It has to be spiritual, and of course spiritual does not mean in religious terms here.
Let me just say it that, if your current relationship or partnership is not spiritual, just physical or going through the motions, you won't get inspired. It has to be spiritual. Your companion has to get inspired. Perhaps both of you get inspired from each other. Both of you has to be spiritual.
You know we meet so many people in our life, but to find people that inspire you is very rare. I mean this in relationships, not an idol or someone far away or someone like a figure head, that's your leader or boss. The person could be not a boss or leader but inspires you. If you meet once awhile that's well and good. But to be inspired everyday. Wouldn't that be wonderful.
To wake up everyday with that feeling that the world is at your feet and you feel a sense of freedom that you could do anything and every thing is possible.
Isn't that what every one wants?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Traveling is a drug...
I remembered my first journey at the age of 11.
My Dad went before us to San Diego to do his PhD. The rest of the family had to wait for me, on account of I have to complete my Assessment Exams (Standard 5). So we went to America, and I stayed there for 2 years, while they stayed longer.
I remember this first trip of mine so well. I can still taste and smell it. It really gave me a buzz, until now I still get buzzes with trips. Especially to new places.
Reading Murakami, I was dreaming of going to Japan. And it came true, the chance! It's all expenses paid to Takayama on account that I represent Malaysians to speak at a Congress.
But the point is here: I am going to travel! It gets me.
My Dad went before us to San Diego to do his PhD. The rest of the family had to wait for me, on account of I have to complete my Assessment Exams (Standard 5). So we went to America, and I stayed there for 2 years, while they stayed longer.
I remember this first trip of mine so well. I can still taste and smell it. It really gave me a buzz, until now I still get buzzes with trips. Especially to new places.
Reading Murakami, I was dreaming of going to Japan. And it came true, the chance! It's all expenses paid to Takayama on account that I represent Malaysians to speak at a Congress.
But the point is here: I am going to travel! It gets me.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Life is a game
"No way Jose!",someone would call out, if I say, "Life is a game." Surely, amongst us there are the serious people. I am one. I take life seriously.
For instance, being a lecturer is based on the fact that I want to do good. For humankind, society and for a life-long learning experience. Learning is good. We become better human beings. There are some things that was thought to me regarding spiritual and religious matters that I try to live up to. Fardhu kifayah or to be able to contribute to society and participate in positive community life.
Then why do I say, "Life is a game."
Provocation is a way to create an understanding and realisation about what constitutes life. However, I don't mean to be a "bully" and provoke people unnecessary. I just feel that I have some insights and some skills (blessed by God) to do things or make things happen in a society. I kept on using my intuition a lot in whatever I do. Sometimes its okay and many times it caused problems for me.
"Life is a game" means that there is a time frame put to life. There are rules and regulations set or interpret by the people who either want the game to happen in a harmonious and conducive manner or to control the proceedings. You can have a referee to implement the rules. Sometimes a whistle is blown when you are caught offside or fouling an opponent. You are not suppose to endanger other people or release your anger and take it out on an opponent. You could be sent off and not participate in life, like "go to jail" or "chill-out".
"Life is a game" also means that the clock is running, while you are in the game. You still can turn the game around by focusing on what matters most and step up on your performance. Say you had a bad 15 minutes of the game, so you analyse and be critical about your performance so far, and then you up your performance by learning quickly about your mistakes and keep focusing on getting better, because you are given the chance to get back into the game.
Sometimes you see someone who inspires you or give you reasons to perform better. So you motivate yourself and up your performance level, so that you get back into the game.
As long as the "final whistle" is not blown, you still have a chance to turn the game to your advantage.
PS - Like even in Islam, it is taught that you still have a chance to redeem yourself, any time before you leave this earth.
For instance, being a lecturer is based on the fact that I want to do good. For humankind, society and for a life-long learning experience. Learning is good. We become better human beings. There are some things that was thought to me regarding spiritual and religious matters that I try to live up to. Fardhu kifayah or to be able to contribute to society and participate in positive community life.
Then why do I say, "Life is a game."
Provocation is a way to create an understanding and realisation about what constitutes life. However, I don't mean to be a "bully" and provoke people unnecessary. I just feel that I have some insights and some skills (blessed by God) to do things or make things happen in a society. I kept on using my intuition a lot in whatever I do. Sometimes its okay and many times it caused problems for me.
"Life is a game" means that there is a time frame put to life. There are rules and regulations set or interpret by the people who either want the game to happen in a harmonious and conducive manner or to control the proceedings. You can have a referee to implement the rules. Sometimes a whistle is blown when you are caught offside or fouling an opponent. You are not suppose to endanger other people or release your anger and take it out on an opponent. You could be sent off and not participate in life, like "go to jail" or "chill-out".
"Life is a game" also means that the clock is running, while you are in the game. You still can turn the game around by focusing on what matters most and step up on your performance. Say you had a bad 15 minutes of the game, so you analyse and be critical about your performance so far, and then you up your performance by learning quickly about your mistakes and keep focusing on getting better, because you are given the chance to get back into the game.
Sometimes you see someone who inspires you or give you reasons to perform better. So you motivate yourself and up your performance level, so that you get back into the game.
As long as the "final whistle" is not blown, you still have a chance to turn the game to your advantage.
PS - Like even in Islam, it is taught that you still have a chance to redeem yourself, any time before you leave this earth.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Knowing what to do
Sometimes we take ourselves for granted. For other people's sake, we say we can. For other people's peace of mind, we tell them we know what to do.
But often, we don't really know what we are doing?
Life is not made up of perfect packages for display.
It's more complicated than that.
In our religious belief, we are not animals. But we have some of their traits and make-up. For sure we are a living being, made up of cells and DNA...and that we will die. We are not inanimate, that's for certain. What differs us from animals is 'ihsan' or the humane part. The so-called higher part of 'intellect'. We could reason out to be human is to exercise intellect. So intellect is not for the learned but for everyone.
Let's go back to the point of "knowing what to do". To use our cognitive faculties, we become more skillful with our intellect. But there is a thing call common sense and there is a thing call "reality check".
If we do not know what to do, why must we make believe we know what to do? Why is it when we keep on trying to do some things, we keep on 'hitting a blank wall' or keep on 'slipping while trying to grip on the slippery walls of a well'?
Keeping a check on reality, we must first admit that, we do not know what to do. We need help to get it done. So we must call for help.
Sometimes it is so difficult to ask for help. Barriers such as pride, guilt, prejudice, hate or anger may block us from willing it. Pulling us back from saying "help".
Knowing what to do, must first constitute of realising that you know not what to do and asking for help.
The very first step is "to ask" what to do, in order to do it.
"What should I do, God? Please give me your Rope to grip."
But often, we don't really know what we are doing?
Life is not made up of perfect packages for display.
It's more complicated than that.
In our religious belief, we are not animals. But we have some of their traits and make-up. For sure we are a living being, made up of cells and DNA...and that we will die. We are not inanimate, that's for certain. What differs us from animals is 'ihsan' or the humane part. The so-called higher part of 'intellect'. We could reason out to be human is to exercise intellect. So intellect is not for the learned but for everyone.
Let's go back to the point of "knowing what to do". To use our cognitive faculties, we become more skillful with our intellect. But there is a thing call common sense and there is a thing call "reality check".
If we do not know what to do, why must we make believe we know what to do? Why is it when we keep on trying to do some things, we keep on 'hitting a blank wall' or keep on 'slipping while trying to grip on the slippery walls of a well'?
Keeping a check on reality, we must first admit that, we do not know what to do. We need help to get it done. So we must call for help.
Sometimes it is so difficult to ask for help. Barriers such as pride, guilt, prejudice, hate or anger may block us from willing it. Pulling us back from saying "help".
Knowing what to do, must first constitute of realising that you know not what to do and asking for help.
The very first step is "to ask" what to do, in order to do it.
"What should I do, God? Please give me your Rope to grip."
Friday, October 23, 2009
It's another day
What's another day when you can't see straight, hugging on blurred edges, trekking back and forth. No end in sight, when you can't wait. It happens because you willed it wrong.
Second wind, where are you?
Just push me up from underneath with your aerodynamics, so I could fly.
An epiphany came and went. Too quickly. During crit.
I caught its back draft. Could not really catch its drift.
Balloons. Many of them, just float below the ceiling. Caught in the maximum of the minimum.
People came and went. Like cameo roles of the untouchables. Unreachable souls.
One day I will lose you. I came from you. You bore me.
My ties with the past will sever. I shall be floating like the balloons.
Maximum under minimum.
It's another day in paradise. Not a manic monday though.
Second wind, where are you?
Just push me up from underneath with your aerodynamics, so I could fly.
An epiphany came and went. Too quickly. During crit.
I caught its back draft. Could not really catch its drift.
Balloons. Many of them, just float below the ceiling. Caught in the maximum of the minimum.
People came and went. Like cameo roles of the untouchables. Unreachable souls.
One day I will lose you. I came from you. You bore me.
My ties with the past will sever. I shall be floating like the balloons.
Maximum under minimum.
It's another day in paradise. Not a manic monday though.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Frustration
Today my design thesis students presented their first semester's work. Usually I would write about this in my "life is a design thesis" blog. But this is about how I feel personally and what its doing to me, so I write it here.
I write today in sheer frustration, about letting down my students. All of them. All of my design thesis studio students.
This is what I feel.
Don't try to make me feel better, because I know better. I know what could have been done better.
There are certain individuals I feel very responsible about because I did not get to them earlier.
I have no excuses except the fact that I realised the head of department's job had to make something 'give in' and in this case its the design studio.
Their is a lecturer who is concerned about the fact that I have the head of department's job and I agree its true, it affects the design studio. In fact the design studio marks are not bad, but I know the truth. I know that it could have been much better.
I want to tell my students why...
But having someone take my place may not help the situation. The grades may be the same though but I need to get real...
There must be a way to make it much better, next semester.
I write today in sheer frustration, about letting down my students. All of them. All of my design thesis studio students.
This is what I feel.
Don't try to make me feel better, because I know better. I know what could have been done better.
There are certain individuals I feel very responsible about because I did not get to them earlier.
I have no excuses except the fact that I realised the head of department's job had to make something 'give in' and in this case its the design studio.
Their is a lecturer who is concerned about the fact that I have the head of department's job and I agree its true, it affects the design studio. In fact the design studio marks are not bad, but I know the truth. I know that it could have been much better.
I want to tell my students why...
But having someone take my place may not help the situation. The grades may be the same though but I need to get real...
There must be a way to make it much better, next semester.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Automatic Pilot
I was at the faculty's lobby when I called out to a student to deliver something to the studio rep. After the transaction completed I said to him " Ah, I am on automatic pilot!" That's because I gave him something that I thought of giving three days ago, but the agenda had changed and it was obsolete. Hence, I was giving something today which I was suppose to be giving three days ago (as an auto-pilot mechanism thing...)
I have morphed into an auto-pilot person!
Of course its early days and I have to adjust myself, pace myself, work out the priorities...and the momentum of working is faster now.
Just don't want to trip and fall. Metaphorically and for real...
I have morphed into an auto-pilot person!
Of course its early days and I have to adjust myself, pace myself, work out the priorities...and the momentum of working is faster now.
Just don't want to trip and fall. Metaphorically and for real...
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Flustered
Nowadays, I am feeling flustered due to the increased workload. It is expected, but only when you are facing it, will you know how it feels. Sometimes it feels like you are caught in the boxing ring ropes and the opponent is punching you mercilessly. So may things are coming at once, blow by blow...
Bruised, but you have got to take the punches. All in your stride and face it with pride. You will make mistakes again and again. And most of all, you are not in control of everything and often, anything...just tide after tide of washing over you...
Being the head of department, you despair for your students, not having the time or enough quality time with them. Before you could take longer breaths and look them in the eye longer to make them sure the understand you. Now its quickly and glibly and just hope to God that the message has been conveyed, let alone internalised.
But there is a time in our life where we are thrown challenges and this is one of them. Just take the bull by the horns...
Bruised, but you have got to take the punches. All in your stride and face it with pride. You will make mistakes again and again. And most of all, you are not in control of everything and often, anything...just tide after tide of washing over you...
Being the head of department, you despair for your students, not having the time or enough quality time with them. Before you could take longer breaths and look them in the eye longer to make them sure the understand you. Now its quickly and glibly and just hope to God that the message has been conveyed, let alone internalised.
But there is a time in our life where we are thrown challenges and this is one of them. Just take the bull by the horns...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Second Raya
On the second day of Syawal, I got really sick. I went to the doctor and got a bag of medicine. Now I am just using raya holidays to get better.
A sore throat is really no good when you are a lecturer. Cause the vocal chords and the voice box is the money making asset. Of course the brain is the biggest asset cause no one's going to listen to nonsense (except of course there are exceptions), but anyway, back to my throat...I have to recover before getting back to work.
I think nowadays, its all about survival. Sometimes I feel that I am in a pit and I slowly have to find ways to get out of it, slowly but surely. Sometimes there is a huge mountain to climb, so I need to figure out the next footing to get higher and higher, slowly but surely. I don't think of turning back and least of all, looking down at where I was. I just need to steadily get up. Be resourceful and get my wits about me.
There is a world where we are alone.
This body of mine is temporary. This soul of mine resides in this body of mine, two entities trying to symbiotically help each other. Of course I don't feel the two are separated. Its part and parcel of the whole deal. It's the package!
We are perfect! Yup, just accept it. We are as perfect as we get. It is as good as it gets. A flaw here, a bad leg there, a finger missing somewhere...its nothing when you compare with the big picture.
About getting there...I mean, the bigger picture is about getting there...climbing out of that pit...getting a foothold and a grip...cause there is a reason.
You are a reason. There is a reason for you. God did not make you for fun. You fit in the bigger picture. You are the perfect fit for this bigger picture.
This Raya we have a lot to thank for. First thing is that we are alive. And healthy...(cough) Second thing is we still figure in the bigger picture. So get a toehold, a foothold, a grip and look forward to our destiny. We are destined to complete what is asked of us, even if we do not know yet what it is. As we know, if there is an answer to everything, we do not have to ask. But we kept on asking. because there are so many things that we have yet to learn.
So this Raya, we give thanks to what we had learned and what we will learn in the future. We give thanks to being blessed by so many things, least of all, by people who love us.
A sore throat is really no good when you are a lecturer. Cause the vocal chords and the voice box is the money making asset. Of course the brain is the biggest asset cause no one's going to listen to nonsense (except of course there are exceptions), but anyway, back to my throat...I have to recover before getting back to work.
I think nowadays, its all about survival. Sometimes I feel that I am in a pit and I slowly have to find ways to get out of it, slowly but surely. Sometimes there is a huge mountain to climb, so I need to figure out the next footing to get higher and higher, slowly but surely. I don't think of turning back and least of all, looking down at where I was. I just need to steadily get up. Be resourceful and get my wits about me.
There is a world where we are alone.
This body of mine is temporary. This soul of mine resides in this body of mine, two entities trying to symbiotically help each other. Of course I don't feel the two are separated. Its part and parcel of the whole deal. It's the package!
We are perfect! Yup, just accept it. We are as perfect as we get. It is as good as it gets. A flaw here, a bad leg there, a finger missing somewhere...its nothing when you compare with the big picture.
About getting there...I mean, the bigger picture is about getting there...climbing out of that pit...getting a foothold and a grip...cause there is a reason.
You are a reason. There is a reason for you. God did not make you for fun. You fit in the bigger picture. You are the perfect fit for this bigger picture.
This Raya we have a lot to thank for. First thing is that we are alive. And healthy...(cough) Second thing is we still figure in the bigger picture. So get a toehold, a foothold, a grip and look forward to our destiny. We are destined to complete what is asked of us, even if we do not know yet what it is. As we know, if there is an answer to everything, we do not have to ask. But we kept on asking. because there are so many things that we have yet to learn.
So this Raya, we give thanks to what we had learned and what we will learn in the future. We give thanks to being blessed by so many things, least of all, by people who love us.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Language and us - Part 1
This person gave a very good comment with regards to whether "Language shape what we think?"
The comment was based on this article in Scientific American.
This lead me to the question: Am I what I am as a result of me speaking English or thinking in English?
I don't think I am "English" but totally am Malaysian. The English language is totally part of me being Malaysian.
More on this later
The comment was based on this article in Scientific American.
I think this is missing the point of how language impacts thought because it's too specific.
Language and culture impact the way things are considered. English is very unstructured. We make up new words constantly, change the meanings of words as we go, and really do what ever we want to the language to get across an idea. English speaking nations are also generally good at coming up with new things, re-inventing technologies and ideas. We're not terribly good when it comes to the detail of those ideas.
German is a very structured language. It's quite flexible, but the way new things are done is methodical. Words get longer and more specific and refined meanings are tacked on the end. That same structure is evident in the way Germans approach problems and solutions. There's an essential desire to be specific in a result. Most of the German engineers I know would rather not do something then do it in an inelegant way -- where the American engineers I know will solve a problem any way it can be solved, and worry about refining it later.
The Japanese language is highly structured and very finely detailed. The smallest nuance can have a big impact on meaning in spoken, written, or gestural language. It is not, however, very good at re-inventing itself for new ideas or concepts. In fact, most technology words end up being from other languages even if they come from Japan. This shows up in their engineering as well. They're amazing at taking a new concept and refining it, detailing it, and pulling out its essentials to put in an extremely efficient net package. I believe the 'exactness' of their language helps them communicate in a way that complements these traits. There's no vagueness at all.
Obviously these are archetypal social traits and examples will be freely found that don't match -- but there is a reason archetypes ring true on a broad basis.
One question I have though, is which comes first? Does language impact culture as I've described, or did language differences as described result from those cultural traits?
This lead me to the question: Am I what I am as a result of me speaking English or thinking in English?
I don't think I am "English" but totally am Malaysian. The English language is totally part of me being Malaysian.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thinking about Marcel Proust
I am studying Marcel Proust.
His name came up during a "facebook chat".
It was by accident.
I was texting on Annie Proulx but my co-chatter thought I mentioned Marcel Proust.
I looked him up being vaguely familiar with the name. A philosopher I would think. Perhaps French by the sound of it.
I read a review on his work (see link)and am intrigued about what Proust has to say. The reviewer said:
And I also found a quote in a another website:
It is extraordinary that Proust set out to explore a human condition, which is abstract, such as "desire", and produced a novel based on it.
I haven't read Proust, but I am intrigued nevertheless by Proust's approach.
His name came up during a "facebook chat".
It was by accident.
I was texting on Annie Proulx but my co-chatter thought I mentioned Marcel Proust.
I looked him up being vaguely familiar with the name. A philosopher I would think. Perhaps French by the sound of it.
I read a review on his work (see link)and am intrigued about what Proust has to say. The reviewer said:
Transitional though it may be, ''In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower'' contains the dramatic, glorious entrance, along the seaside boardwalk in the Norman resort town Balbec, of ''la petite bande,'' the little gang of budding girls led by Albertine, who will become Marcel's passionate, obsessive focus of interest later in the novel. As he immediately recognizes, with both excitement and anxiety, the girls represent ''that extension and potential multiplication of self which we know as happiness.'' But he recognizes also the impossibility of ever fully possessing Albertine: ''My desire for her was desire for her whole life: a desire that was full of pain, because I sensed it was unattainable.'' In the pursuit of that unattainable, Proust gives us an extraordinarily detailed chronicle of desire as exploration, as suffering and as knowledge.
And I also found a quote in a another website:
Desire makes everything blossom; possession makes everything wither and fade.
It is extraordinary that Proust set out to explore a human condition, which is abstract, such as "desire", and produced a novel based on it.
I haven't read Proust, but I am intrigued nevertheless by Proust's approach.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Only God Knows
As long as I can remember, my adult life has not been straight-forward. There were so many twist and turns...and where I am now, I did not imagine that I would be here, in this experience. Like this.
I suppose life is like that. Unpredictable.
But that's me. And probably, no two lives replicate their journeys. Probably... only God Knows.
Even if two lives replicate their journeys, the two lives would not know of it. So its a no-brainer.
I have no complaints because I taught myself not to complain. I may whinge or sometimes cringe, but really no complaints. I chose to be here. That is to be an adult. To accept what you have chosen in life.
In fact, when you recite the Al-Fatihah, there is a verse that (translation cut and paste) says:
We recite this verse over and over again in all our prayer times. Have we asked ourselves "what is the straight way?" and it says in the verse, that the straight way is "the way of those on whom Thou has bestowed Thy Grace", so the next thought is : who are those that God has bestowed His Grace?
In a way it is a figure of speech. Only God Knows whom He bestowed His Grace. Only God Knows. So this keeps us on our toes. That we be non complacent. That we always seek for continued affirmation, through our actions.
Some things are clearly said in the Quran and some things are figuratively speaking, so that we continue with the seeking. The trial and error of life.
So who are those that God Is most pleased with?
Only God Knows.
I suppose life is like that. Unpredictable.
But that's me. And probably, no two lives replicate their journeys. Probably... only God Knows.
Even if two lives replicate their journeys, the two lives would not know of it. So its a no-brainer.
I have no complaints because I taught myself not to complain. I may whinge or sometimes cringe, but really no complaints. I chose to be here. That is to be an adult. To accept what you have chosen in life.
In fact, when you recite the Al-Fatihah, there is a verse that (translation cut and paste) says:
6. Show us the straight way,
7. The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.
We recite this verse over and over again in all our prayer times. Have we asked ourselves "what is the straight way?" and it says in the verse, that the straight way is "the way of those on whom Thou has bestowed Thy Grace", so the next thought is : who are those that God has bestowed His Grace?
In a way it is a figure of speech. Only God Knows whom He bestowed His Grace. Only God Knows. So this keeps us on our toes. That we be non complacent. That we always seek for continued affirmation, through our actions.
Some things are clearly said in the Quran and some things are figuratively speaking, so that we continue with the seeking. The trial and error of life.
So who are those that God Is most pleased with?
Only God Knows.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Missed being a student
I feel when you finished something major like a PhD, suddenly your student ways stopped. You do not have excuses anymore to be a student, to deal with drafts of work and to stay up late finishing work.
Normally one should be happy to get rid of student days and be looking forward to other things in life. Not me. Most of my life (that was happy) was when I was a student.
The other day, I was seriously thinking of doing another course. Something like Creative Writing or Philosophy. But that takes a couple of years for the former and four years for the latter. When will I do that? If its for a short course over the summer that would be possible, during my sabbatical.
When I was in a student state, I only worried for the present and the immediate steps to ensure my survival. But after, I completed my PhD course, I am suddenly entrusted to think about the future. I became increasingly engaged in the disability movement and efforts of the country via the Council work and the department of architecture. I morphed to that older side of me and grey hairs started to pop out more and more, eye bags became saggier...
Am I concern more about how I look or about having to be this person who has to carry all these "adult" responsibilities? Which is it?
It does not matter, but these jobs that I do, its because there is no one else being able to do them, and its a matter of shouldering it because I must. That's why parents look the way they are when they are entrusted with responsibilities that they have to do and no one else would take care of their kids obviously.
Well...I cannot run away from it, it seems, but I do have choices actually, unlike the parents...
Normally one should be happy to get rid of student days and be looking forward to other things in life. Not me. Most of my life (that was happy) was when I was a student.
The other day, I was seriously thinking of doing another course. Something like Creative Writing or Philosophy. But that takes a couple of years for the former and four years for the latter. When will I do that? If its for a short course over the summer that would be possible, during my sabbatical.
When I was in a student state, I only worried for the present and the immediate steps to ensure my survival. But after, I completed my PhD course, I am suddenly entrusted to think about the future. I became increasingly engaged in the disability movement and efforts of the country via the Council work and the department of architecture. I morphed to that older side of me and grey hairs started to pop out more and more, eye bags became saggier...
Am I concern more about how I look or about having to be this person who has to carry all these "adult" responsibilities? Which is it?
It does not matter, but these jobs that I do, its because there is no one else being able to do them, and its a matter of shouldering it because I must. That's why parents look the way they are when they are entrusted with responsibilities that they have to do and no one else would take care of their kids obviously.
Well...I cannot run away from it, it seems, but I do have choices actually, unlike the parents...
Thursday, July 09, 2009
To get there
All that you need is there for you.
In front of you.
Its not a mistake.
Where you are at.
You did not come here by mistake.
Just that you do not know where you are going.
Just now.
Just this moment.
It's all kind of blurry.
It is okay.
Nothing is clear-cut unless we 'will' it.
Sometimes we just have to keep on going, for the sake of getting somewhere.
Just on gut instinct.
Intuition.
Perceived notion.
Quiet intelligence.
Whatever it is to get there.
In front of you.
Its not a mistake.
Where you are at.
You did not come here by mistake.
Just that you do not know where you are going.
Just now.
Just this moment.
It's all kind of blurry.
It is okay.
Nothing is clear-cut unless we 'will' it.
Sometimes we just have to keep on going, for the sake of getting somewhere.
Just on gut instinct.
Intuition.
Perceived notion.
Quiet intelligence.
Whatever it is to get there.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Pause Button
I pressed the pause button and waited. Usually we would press the pause button so that we could do something else or that something has taken us away from watching the video or listening to the music.
Yes, this time I waited. Because I keep on watching and keep on listening without emotion, without asking, just taking in the sights and sound...not really watching, not really listening...just numbing my senses.
Is there somewhere that I have to go or visit? Is there some place that I need to be at? At this juncture in time, I am asking myself because I never gave myself the chance to pause when I pressed for it... why did I press? Didn't I know myself before this? Before the pause... just to let something in, to fill a space and void, devoid of meaning and feeling and it was empty...
It was always empty. Do I need to fill it?
Yes, this time I waited. Because I keep on watching and keep on listening without emotion, without asking, just taking in the sights and sound...not really watching, not really listening...just numbing my senses.
Is there somewhere that I have to go or visit? Is there some place that I need to be at? At this juncture in time, I am asking myself because I never gave myself the chance to pause when I pressed for it... why did I press? Didn't I know myself before this? Before the pause... just to let something in, to fill a space and void, devoid of meaning and feeling and it was empty...
It was always empty. Do I need to fill it?
Monday, May 25, 2009
Go with the flow
In order to write a story or a song, why is it that I have to work myself into an emotional state? I have a problem with that because I really cannot fake it. I mean, I cannot "act" that emotional state. I have to have it for real, and then I get the creative juices flowing and when I do write, it then become possible for me to be creative...which means what I write is "flowing", not contrived or self-conscious.
I really adore Haruki Murakami, especially when he suddenly became a writer and he is not preconceived or try to teach people, but he just went with the flow of thoughts...
I want to write like him, free of pre-concepts, easy and flowing...
I really adore Haruki Murakami, especially when he suddenly became a writer and he is not preconceived or try to teach people, but he just went with the flow of thoughts...
I want to write like him, free of pre-concepts, easy and flowing...
Friday, May 22, 2009
Revelation
Recently, I went through a period of self-discovery.
They say that when you are in love, you are actually trying to find missing pieces of your self.
When I was 13 years old, I was trying to find myself. I was a lonely kid. I really needed a friend then. Not just any friend.
Looking back now, that friend was not born yet and it wasn't until 33 years later that I met that friend.
I think all my life I kept on trying to find the missing pieces.
Now, I have found them.
That is my story.
They say that when you are in love, you are actually trying to find missing pieces of your self.
When I was 13 years old, I was trying to find myself. I was a lonely kid. I really needed a friend then. Not just any friend.
Looking back now, that friend was not born yet and it wasn't until 33 years later that I met that friend.
I think all my life I kept on trying to find the missing pieces.
Now, I have found them.
That is my story.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Human Imperfection
'In his final hours, he had tidied up the manuscript so that his wife could find it. Below it, around it, inside his two computers, on old floppy disks in his drawers were hundreds of other pages—drafts, character sketches, notes to himself, fragments that had evaded his attempt to integrate them into the novel. This was his effort to show the world what it was to be “a f***ing human being.” He had not completed it to his satisfaction. This was not an ending anyone would have wanted for him, but it was the ending he chose.'
http://thepenguinblog.typepad.com/
I was reading a novel by Murakami, and the story was about human imperfections, and that the protagonist was a 15 year old boy, Kafka, who ran away from home and who met with characters who were like him, who ran away and try to discover themselves. The story juxtaposed with another one, an elderly handicapped man, Nakata, who could converse with cats, on account of an incident that occurred when he was a young boy, where he was unconscious for a long time, and when he woke up, he experienced the lack of memory where he could not remember a thing about himself, his family and everything else. But he could talk to cats.
There is something perfect about human imperfections. It is not an apology or an excuse, but an insight of the human condition that describes the reality of humans are.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Warrior of the Light
I like to read Paulo Coelho's books and now am reading on his latest "Warrior of the Light". This is one of the excerpts reminding me of a lesson that I need to learn.
A Warrior of the Light is never in a hurry.
Time works in his favor; he learns to master his impatience and avoids acting without thinking.
By walking slowly, he becomes aware of the firmness of his step. He knows that he is taking part in a decisive moment in the history of humanity and that he needs to change himself before he can transform the world. That is why he remembers the words of Lanza del Vasto: " A revolution takes time to settle in."
A Warrior never picks fruit while it is still green.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
I am getting tired of pretensions or pretentiousness
At this point in my life, I am getting tired of pretensions and/or pretentiousness either by myself or other people.
Visual map thesaurus on pretentious
I don't need all that exaggeration and bravado, and same goes for anyone who puts it on.
Why cannot we deal with the most important things in life? Why must we get into all sorts of drama or scenarios and not really getting to what matters most?
Visual map thesaurus on pretentious
I don't need all that exaggeration and bravado, and same goes for anyone who puts it on.
Why cannot we deal with the most important things in life? Why must we get into all sorts of drama or scenarios and not really getting to what matters most?
Black and White
Often we live in grey areas, where things are not so clear-cut and we can venture in-between and around the subject matter at hand, which could be relating to others or being involved with dealing with people. It is easier when it's not hard and fast, black and white and plain as day.
Fence-sitters love the grey areas of life.
I try not to be a fence-sitter, but sometimes it is safer.
When you decided to choose to sit on either side of the fence, or when you decided to make it clear, black and white and where you stand, people are not going to like it.
But when you decide and when you do it, the work can begin. The work on your life to move you forward. To learn the lessons waiting to be taught.
Black and white is only about clarity and making the decision clearly.
Fence-sitters love the grey areas of life.
I try not to be a fence-sitter, but sometimes it is safer.
When you decided to choose to sit on either side of the fence, or when you decided to make it clear, black and white and where you stand, people are not going to like it.
But when you decide and when you do it, the work can begin. The work on your life to move you forward. To learn the lessons waiting to be taught.
Black and white is only about clarity and making the decision clearly.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Story of Illusion
It was a good lesson to learn. Between illusion and reality. Now I know the difference clearly, and how this relate to the Quran, with regards to how we need to overcome our barriers and shatter the illusions around us. You see, the story about the 'devil' or 'syaitan' is about the 'illusion/s' that we create to cope with life's difficulties. At first it would ease the pain and make it bearable and make us happier, but we cannot continue with the illusion that we create. In this 'dream-state' we ignore reality around us and the work that we need to do. We can keep up appearance but in reality we are 'lost' in this illusion. Almost always this illusion makes us happy and we could go on forever lying to ourselves, but reality is where we need to go back to. It is so painful to shatter an illusion, but it has to be done. Of course, it is a journey or a part of the journey of discovering ourselves, but sometimes we have to know when to stop and embark on another journey.
The truth need to be faced in order for the illusion to end. Like what they say, reality bites, and always it bites hard and hurts.
The truth need to be faced in order for the illusion to end. Like what they say, reality bites, and always it bites hard and hurts.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
What is inspiration.
What is an inspiration?
An inspiration can come in different forms. In a form of a object of desire, something you want or need, a person, an animal, flora, fauna, story, poetry, song or an abstract. An inspiration could also be bad for your health but yet make you alive and kicking. An inspiration could be felt like slow fire burning or a volcanic eruption...seismic, cosmic or spasmic. An inspiration could be controlled or be left wild to engulfed you. An inspiration can be a secret or out in the open.
Definition found on the web:
# arousal of the mind to special unusual activity or creativity
# a product of your creative thinking and work; "he had little respect for the inspirations of other artists"; "after years of work his brainchild was a tangible reality"
# a sudden intuition as part of solving a problem
# divine guidance: (theology) a special influence of a divinity on the minds of human beings; "they believe that the books of Scripture were written under divine guidance"
# arousing to a particular emotion or action
# inhalation: the act of inhaling; the drawing in of air (or other gases) as in breathing
I like the definition of the last one: the act of inhaling, but in my interpretation, we can inhale "something" to fill us and inspire us....
An inspiration can come in different forms. In a form of a object of desire, something you want or need, a person, an animal, flora, fauna, story, poetry, song or an abstract. An inspiration could also be bad for your health but yet make you alive and kicking. An inspiration could be felt like slow fire burning or a volcanic eruption...seismic, cosmic or spasmic. An inspiration could be controlled or be left wild to engulfed you. An inspiration can be a secret or out in the open.
Definition found on the web:
# arousal of the mind to special unusual activity or creativity
# a product of your creative thinking and work; "he had little respect for the inspirations of other artists"; "after years of work his brainchild was a tangible reality"
# a sudden intuition as part of solving a problem
# divine guidance: (theology) a special influence of a divinity on the minds of human beings; "they believe that the books of Scripture were written under divine guidance"
# arousing to a particular emotion or action
# inhalation: the act of inhaling; the drawing in of air (or other gases) as in breathing
I like the definition of the last one: the act of inhaling, but in my interpretation, we can inhale "something" to fill us and inspire us....
Saturday, April 11, 2009
After This
After this, things won't be what it used to be.
After this, things will be different.
Another chapter of my life has closed.
I was trying to find out about myself and finally I can put it to rest...those questions, the confusion...
Now it is easy to see everything, every effort, every strain...every thing.
After this, things will be different.
Another chapter of my life has closed.
I was trying to find out about myself and finally I can put it to rest...those questions, the confusion...
Now it is easy to see everything, every effort, every strain...every thing.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Another Episode
Yesterday, I hung out with the boys, I mean, the Design Thesis studio masters, after a lengthy session that started at 10 am in the morning and only finished at 8 pmish.
We ate at Opus in Bangsar. It was nice. Kevin said he thought I deserved it so he paid for my meal. Eventually he paid for the three of us. That was really sweet of him.
He said that I "made a difference" to the studio's work. In terms of the quality produced. Anthony added, "It was the woman's touch you see..." Eh, I am one of the boys meh?
Anyway, I am sort of flattered, but I know its a team effort.
I told the 4th years who will be in the Design Thesis Studio (2009/10) starting this May 2009, that we (the studio masters) have to work as a team. Like a football team, not everyone can be the 'strikers', if not all will start rushing into the goal and no one's going to put it in, as they fight with each other! We have to combine our different talents, our different techniques and perspectives and the end of the day, the maturity and competencies of the students will be the main factor for success.
It's the same with the theory of "spoon-feeding". That does not happen to a mature bunch because this thing they call "spoon-feeding" is to me an insult, if anyone suggest that, and also an insult to the students. As a teacher, you have got to be subtle in your ways. You have to work hard and the timing for action has to come at the right time.
Its not easy when you have to deal with so many of them. When I look at it, I may have neglected some of the students, because they did not fulfill their potential or stayed at the same grade. But then, its up to the student whether he or she wants to "take off the blinkers". (Blinkers are "a protective covering that keeps things out or hinders sight")
Another way of saying this is putting up barriers in order not to progress. Yes, its a general term, but we do this to ourselves from time to time. We are besotted by prejudices and our habits so we might not want to learn new things. Not taking risks or being innovative enough are some of these barriers to progress.
Well, I think the studio did well in general, and I am happy I was a part of the team.
We ate at Opus in Bangsar. It was nice. Kevin said he thought I deserved it so he paid for my meal. Eventually he paid for the three of us. That was really sweet of him.
He said that I "made a difference" to the studio's work. In terms of the quality produced. Anthony added, "It was the woman's touch you see..." Eh, I am one of the boys meh?
Anyway, I am sort of flattered, but I know its a team effort.
I told the 4th years who will be in the Design Thesis Studio (2009/10) starting this May 2009, that we (the studio masters) have to work as a team. Like a football team, not everyone can be the 'strikers', if not all will start rushing into the goal and no one's going to put it in, as they fight with each other! We have to combine our different talents, our different techniques and perspectives and the end of the day, the maturity and competencies of the students will be the main factor for success.
It's the same with the theory of "spoon-feeding". That does not happen to a mature bunch because this thing they call "spoon-feeding" is to me an insult, if anyone suggest that, and also an insult to the students. As a teacher, you have got to be subtle in your ways. You have to work hard and the timing for action has to come at the right time.
Its not easy when you have to deal with so many of them. When I look at it, I may have neglected some of the students, because they did not fulfill their potential or stayed at the same grade. But then, its up to the student whether he or she wants to "take off the blinkers". (Blinkers are "a protective covering that keeps things out or hinders sight")
Another way of saying this is putting up barriers in order not to progress. Yes, its a general term, but we do this to ourselves from time to time. We are besotted by prejudices and our habits so we might not want to learn new things. Not taking risks or being innovative enough are some of these barriers to progress.
Well, I think the studio did well in general, and I am happy I was a part of the team.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The Long Release
Yesterday I submitted my transcripts to my PhD thesis examiner. That means I have submitted everything that they wanted me to do. (Who knows what else they want...)
Yesterday, 20th March 2009 marked a "full stop" to my long and winding journey of trying to complete my PhD. I will mark it regardless.
12 years ago, I applied to be a lecturer at University of Malaya (UM), Kuala Lumpur. My father, who was suffering from cancer, on his hospital bed in 1997, told me of his wish that I continue being an academic and that it was to be UM as my destiny. I became a UM lecturer in April 1997. He passed away that year in September 11, 1997.
I read somewhere that grieving the loss of someone close and dear to you needs a form of release. To me, its never a closure and that you will always grieve the person. But learning to release your grief is never easy and ever since I embarked in this PhD journey, I had to constantly seek to find myself, again and again.
What does it mean to 'find myself'. Because you lost someone, you want to get lost yourself. You want to find meaning in what you do. Whether it was worth it, whether it's what you really want. As it was, when I was a lecturer and a PhD student. Many times I felt like quitting due to the slightest reason.
I met different people for different reasons since 1997. I must have done something right to enable me to meet these people who became my friends and close confidante. I would not have survived or made it without these people. My mother backed me up all the way and never pressured me.
The long release has to happen in order for you to gain strength and purpose, because you only have this life to give.
Yesterday, 20th March 2009 marked a "full stop" to my long and winding journey of trying to complete my PhD. I will mark it regardless.
12 years ago, I applied to be a lecturer at University of Malaya (UM), Kuala Lumpur. My father, who was suffering from cancer, on his hospital bed in 1997, told me of his wish that I continue being an academic and that it was to be UM as my destiny. I became a UM lecturer in April 1997. He passed away that year in September 11, 1997.
I read somewhere that grieving the loss of someone close and dear to you needs a form of release. To me, its never a closure and that you will always grieve the person. But learning to release your grief is never easy and ever since I embarked in this PhD journey, I had to constantly seek to find myself, again and again.
What does it mean to 'find myself'. Because you lost someone, you want to get lost yourself. You want to find meaning in what you do. Whether it was worth it, whether it's what you really want. As it was, when I was a lecturer and a PhD student. Many times I felt like quitting due to the slightest reason.
I met different people for different reasons since 1997. I must have done something right to enable me to meet these people who became my friends and close confidante. I would not have survived or made it without these people. My mother backed me up all the way and never pressured me.
The long release has to happen in order for you to gain strength and purpose, because you only have this life to give.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Yesterday the 14th of March 2009
Skipping Things:
I have been skipping things, but I have my reasons. I want to be inspired every day. Not just once in awhile. I get inspired from interactions with my students, by doing my research or my NGO work. But this 'research culture camp'? Something is wrong when I came into the room. Registration... The speaker was uninspiring, the chairman was uninspiring... What do you think we are - robots? We don't want to be there!
Liverpool FC:
Every time I think of Liverpool FC, I want to cry. When I think of what transpired since 2004. The last 'Houllier Year' was tough. And then we had Rafa. Then Owen, Heskey and Murphy left. Then we won the Champion's League in Rafa's first year with a mediocre team. Gerrard almost left but he stayed. Now look at where we are. Pushing United and beating Real Madrid in the Champion's League. Gerrard now scoring the most goals! Torres inspired. Everything seems to fall into place.
Falling into Place:
I never had this for a long time. After all the hard work, everything seems to fall into place. Things fit, feelings calm and work is in progress. And today, Liverpool beat Manchester United 4-1. That is really the icing on the cake. I was so excited and I was making so much noise at the restaurant. It was pure joy!! I don't know how to describe this wondrous feeling of utter joy!
I have been skipping things, but I have my reasons. I want to be inspired every day. Not just once in awhile. I get inspired from interactions with my students, by doing my research or my NGO work. But this 'research culture camp'? Something is wrong when I came into the room. Registration... The speaker was uninspiring, the chairman was uninspiring... What do you think we are - robots? We don't want to be there!
Liverpool FC:
Every time I think of Liverpool FC, I want to cry. When I think of what transpired since 2004. The last 'Houllier Year' was tough. And then we had Rafa. Then Owen, Heskey and Murphy left. Then we won the Champion's League in Rafa's first year with a mediocre team. Gerrard almost left but he stayed. Now look at where we are. Pushing United and beating Real Madrid in the Champion's League. Gerrard now scoring the most goals! Torres inspired. Everything seems to fall into place.
Falling into Place:
I never had this for a long time. After all the hard work, everything seems to fall into place. Things fit, feelings calm and work is in progress. And today, Liverpool beat Manchester United 4-1. That is really the icing on the cake. I was so excited and I was making so much noise at the restaurant. It was pure joy!! I don't know how to describe this wondrous feeling of utter joy!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Our worldview
How we see ourselves is important because it makes us do the things we do. We interpret from experience what to do next. Our next move and actions are the result of our interpretation of things.
That's why religion and belief is instrumental in developing our worldview.
Embracing a belief system either it is based on a common and accepted religion or not happens to all of us. Even an atheist believes in a system, which could be purely scientific and evidence based.
Our worldview was shaped by forces within and without, meaning developed in ourselves through experience and conditioning and shaped by external and outside influences.
What we choose to do with ourselves involves a process of internalization and reflection and then we act upon these decisions that we made.
When people say that they cannot make decisions themselves, it is more like not wanting to accept the pain if anything goes wrong.
A positive worldview is needed for us to be people who could bring changes to lives of others.
That's why religion and belief is instrumental in developing our worldview.
Embracing a belief system either it is based on a common and accepted religion or not happens to all of us. Even an atheist believes in a system, which could be purely scientific and evidence based.
Our worldview was shaped by forces within and without, meaning developed in ourselves through experience and conditioning and shaped by external and outside influences.
What we choose to do with ourselves involves a process of internalization and reflection and then we act upon these decisions that we made.
When people say that they cannot make decisions themselves, it is more like not wanting to accept the pain if anything goes wrong.
A positive worldview is needed for us to be people who could bring changes to lives of others.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The unexpectedness of things
You know how things are.
You try to bring a constant into your life.
It may be a companion or a friend or a hobby, whatever, some stability into your life.
Something to keep you going and look forward to the day.
When the day is done and dusted, you look forward to the next day.
We would sketch a plan for what's to come, but we will never know, what could be lurking around the corner? Or another way of putting it...the unexpectedness of things.
Actually you do expect these things to happen, but when it actually happened, there and then, you got surprised, probably because you are not ready or maybe because you thought those things should happen a long time ago or something like that.
Because you are used to having predictable events and going through the motions, and then when the 'thing' happens, which you had secretly wanted it to happen anyway, you sort of caught unawares and have to use your wits and wills about you to 'cope' with its presence in your life.
Well, this happened to me recently. I wanted to resist it but I knew it would happen when I am stressed. Things like this always happens when you are stressed.
Unbelievably I managed to make this 'constant' a part of my life now. Don't know how long it will last, but I am enjoying it actually.
You try to bring a constant into your life.
It may be a companion or a friend or a hobby, whatever, some stability into your life.
Something to keep you going and look forward to the day.
When the day is done and dusted, you look forward to the next day.
We would sketch a plan for what's to come, but we will never know, what could be lurking around the corner? Or another way of putting it...the unexpectedness of things.
Actually you do expect these things to happen, but when it actually happened, there and then, you got surprised, probably because you are not ready or maybe because you thought those things should happen a long time ago or something like that.
Because you are used to having predictable events and going through the motions, and then when the 'thing' happens, which you had secretly wanted it to happen anyway, you sort of caught unawares and have to use your wits and wills about you to 'cope' with its presence in your life.
Well, this happened to me recently. I wanted to resist it but I knew it would happen when I am stressed. Things like this always happens when you are stressed.
Unbelievably I managed to make this 'constant' a part of my life now. Don't know how long it will last, but I am enjoying it actually.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Why I love teaching
Did you know that "teaching" gives me such a buzz. It gets me right there, especially when things fall into place.
It's exhilarating, energising, adrenaline pumping and 'you are ready for it' feeling if felt when what you do is translated to your students getting their confidence back. I wish I could psyche up all my students, but it also depends on the students whether they want to be psyche up. Whether they will be ready for the fight.
Crits and presentation are not easy, and it could really drag you to depths of disappointment and pull your self-confidence way down, so you need to get psychologised. Psyche up. It's either you doing it but someone else could do it for you.
It's crunch time for my design thesis students now and for the next 7 weeks.
Get ready for the fight!
It's exhilarating, energising, adrenaline pumping and 'you are ready for it' feeling if felt when what you do is translated to your students getting their confidence back. I wish I could psyche up all my students, but it also depends on the students whether they want to be psyche up. Whether they will be ready for the fight.
Crits and presentation are not easy, and it could really drag you to depths of disappointment and pull your self-confidence way down, so you need to get psychologised. Psyche up. It's either you doing it but someone else could do it for you.
It's crunch time for my design thesis students now and for the next 7 weeks.
Get ready for the fight!
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Back to Work
Work. It's a four letter word.
It's not a bad word. But certainly something that I have not really concentrated on lately.
Not that I have been skiving, but maybe slacking.
I don't like past tense. Nor I want to dwell on the past.
I want to work differently now.
I want to work smart.
I have been inspired lately.
Obviously by getting through with my exam.
There is still some life in me to live it up.
I need to get back to work. Intensely.
It's not a bad word. But certainly something that I have not really concentrated on lately.
Not that I have been skiving, but maybe slacking.
I don't like past tense. Nor I want to dwell on the past.
I want to work differently now.
I want to work smart.
I have been inspired lately.
Obviously by getting through with my exam.
There is still some life in me to live it up.
I need to get back to work. Intensely.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
What is my PhD for? (Part 2)
They called me "doctor" every where I go.
Technically I have not got the doctorate yet. It is to be approved in April 2009, that is, if I submit the thesis proper. So I am not jumping around with complete joy yet.
However, it is done and dusted.The difficult part. The PhD Viva examination was completed.
So what's the deal?
I asked earlier about what the PhD is for? Was it for glory and being called "doctor"?
I never sell short of myself and under-perform just because I did not get my thesis done earlier. I was the same as I am now. I am not elevated to some kind of wunderkind or got a higher status just because I passed my viva. Yes, it was a difficult process and I sort of "won" something.
Maybe I won my dignity back or maybe I won my self-esteem, but I did not hide behind things. I made my way around and gave my two cents worth. I tried to put my unfinished thesis aside and concentrated on what is at hand. I did not shy away from other responsibilities but there were times when I had to reduce them.
Yes, I survived those years of not being able to finish my thesis. I functioned fully as a lecturer and contributed to other causes.
My PhD is for me, my mother, my late father, my family, my friends and my students.
The thing is about this PhD, it has assured me that I can write. It gave me immense satisfaction for my writing skills, although it's non-fiction. But at least, I was given good comments on my writing.
I want to keep on writing as it is some positive and affirming. My PhD was so that I could now say that I could author a book. For many more exciting moments to come.
Technically I have not got the doctorate yet. It is to be approved in April 2009, that is, if I submit the thesis proper. So I am not jumping around with complete joy yet.
However, it is done and dusted.The difficult part. The PhD Viva examination was completed.
So what's the deal?
I asked earlier about what the PhD is for? Was it for glory and being called "doctor"?
I never sell short of myself and under-perform just because I did not get my thesis done earlier. I was the same as I am now. I am not elevated to some kind of wunderkind or got a higher status just because I passed my viva. Yes, it was a difficult process and I sort of "won" something.
Maybe I won my dignity back or maybe I won my self-esteem, but I did not hide behind things. I made my way around and gave my two cents worth. I tried to put my unfinished thesis aside and concentrated on what is at hand. I did not shy away from other responsibilities but there were times when I had to reduce them.
Yes, I survived those years of not being able to finish my thesis. I functioned fully as a lecturer and contributed to other causes.
My PhD is for me, my mother, my late father, my family, my friends and my students.
The thing is about this PhD, it has assured me that I can write. It gave me immense satisfaction for my writing skills, although it's non-fiction. But at least, I was given good comments on my writing.
I want to keep on writing as it is some positive and affirming. My PhD was so that I could now say that I could author a book. For many more exciting moments to come.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Back in Malaysia
I cannot deny that I am relishing the feeling of "freedom" after getting through my PhD viva exam on the 28 January 2008 with minor corrections.
I feel my burden being thrown off my shoulders, my despair being flushed down by the rains that greeted me in Malaysia and the exhilaration of the final push towards my destiny - very strong feelings indeed.My PhD years were very tumultuous although there were pockets calm which I learned so much from. I was steering my metaphorical ship through very choppy waters of my life.Nevertheless, as with all great struggles, you gain most. And I did, in terms of insight and lessons learned. They were gifts from God that was unbelievable and I did not expect them. I did not expect anything of that magnitude.
I feel my burden being thrown off my shoulders, my despair being flushed down by the rains that greeted me in Malaysia and the exhilaration of the final push towards my destiny - very strong feelings indeed.My PhD years were very tumultuous although there were pockets calm which I learned so much from. I was steering my metaphorical ship through very choppy waters of my life.Nevertheless, as with all great struggles, you gain most. And I did, in terms of insight and lessons learned. They were gifts from God that was unbelievable and I did not expect them. I did not expect anything of that magnitude.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
What I really want
I never publicly tell anyone what I really want.
I have mentioned in another blog that I wanted to be the "best trainer", but you will only believe it when it happens. And it was more of a rallying call to spur me on. However, I do want to be a very good trainer at the very least although it may not be what I really want.
So what do I really want.
Here we go:
Q: Do I want to be the Dean of the faculty? A: No
Q: Do I want to be the VC of U. Malaya? A: No
Q: Do I want to be a famous political blogger? A: No
Hmm...better change the line of questions...
Q: Do I want to be a famous writer? A: Yes. I want to be like Annie Proulx where people adapt your book into movies.
My God...do I really want that? I actually want that, but my writing sucks. Then I will never get it cause I am being so negative. But "they say" that you can get what you want.
(Reflect. Think....)
I want to be a writer. I want it bad.
I have mentioned in another blog that I wanted to be the "best trainer", but you will only believe it when it happens. And it was more of a rallying call to spur me on. However, I do want to be a very good trainer at the very least although it may not be what I really want.
So what do I really want.
Here we go:
Q: Do I want to be the Dean of the faculty? A: No
Q: Do I want to be the VC of U. Malaya? A: No
Q: Do I want to be a famous political blogger? A: No
Hmm...better change the line of questions...
Q: Do I want to be a famous writer? A: Yes. I want to be like Annie Proulx where people adapt your book into movies.
My God...do I really want that? I actually want that, but my writing sucks. Then I will never get it cause I am being so negative. But "they say" that you can get what you want.
(Reflect. Think....)
I want to be a writer. I want it bad.
In England again
I don't know how many times I have checked through the British borders.
The first time I arrived at Heathrow Airport, it was September 1985. I was 23 years old. I dragged my bags to the Victoria train station trying to get the coach to Leicester.
Leicester was home to me for the next two years. But I was not inspired by the town, although I enjoyed the market in the city centre. I frequented London every two weeks and my weekends were filled with laughter and the feelings of closeness with my friends in Shepperd's Bush. I loved London, so I managed to get my Part 1 training year job at Store Street, five minutes walk to the AA School of Architecture. Most evenings were filled with attending lectures at the AA given by, as I recalled Thom Mayne of Morphosis, Hermann Hertzberger, Peter Cook, Zaha Hadid etc. I continued with my RIBA Part 2 education in London at the Polytechnic of North London. My mentor, Steve Lightbody, who was an associate at Rock Townsend when I did my Part 1 gave me insights on how to be a better designer. These times were the best years when I was in London as I was flourishing both spiritually and mentally. I came into 4th year (1st year at North London) with passion and designed like there was no limitation and the lecturers just let me be. I graduated with a distinction although my 5th year was frought with difficulties in the middle of it. I left in 1991 and returned to London to do my masters at UCL in 1995-96. The year that I spent was not that great as I was in transition then, physically and mentally. My mid 30s were not the best years of my life. But I guess it was necessary in the Plan of things to come. Maybe, most of my 30s were spent in Malaysia and only 2 years in England compared to my 6 years when I was in my 20s?
I spent 3 1/2 years in England in my early 40s. This time I decided to go to Salford, near Manchester. I would say that my stay in England this time was at the very least extremely influential when my development as a person eclipsed when I finally came to terms with myself, spiritually, mentally and physically. The year 2005, my 3rd year doing PhD was so eventful in my life, that when I come to think of that year, I was greatly blessed. The breakthrough that I had was tantamount to me fighting my biggest fear and with it came a responsibility that I never thought I would have to do, which I accepted and still am coming to terms with.
England is my spiritual home, my beginning of many things, and I am proud of this surrogate country of mine, for it bore witness to the many milestones in my life.
So here I am in England again, facing another huge challenge. Facing my truth, yet again.
The first time I arrived at Heathrow Airport, it was September 1985. I was 23 years old. I dragged my bags to the Victoria train station trying to get the coach to Leicester.
Leicester was home to me for the next two years. But I was not inspired by the town, although I enjoyed the market in the city centre. I frequented London every two weeks and my weekends were filled with laughter and the feelings of closeness with my friends in Shepperd's Bush. I loved London, so I managed to get my Part 1 training year job at Store Street, five minutes walk to the AA School of Architecture. Most evenings were filled with attending lectures at the AA given by, as I recalled Thom Mayne of Morphosis, Hermann Hertzberger, Peter Cook, Zaha Hadid etc. I continued with my RIBA Part 2 education in London at the Polytechnic of North London. My mentor, Steve Lightbody, who was an associate at Rock Townsend when I did my Part 1 gave me insights on how to be a better designer. These times were the best years when I was in London as I was flourishing both spiritually and mentally. I came into 4th year (1st year at North London) with passion and designed like there was no limitation and the lecturers just let me be. I graduated with a distinction although my 5th year was frought with difficulties in the middle of it. I left in 1991 and returned to London to do my masters at UCL in 1995-96. The year that I spent was not that great as I was in transition then, physically and mentally. My mid 30s were not the best years of my life. But I guess it was necessary in the Plan of things to come. Maybe, most of my 30s were spent in Malaysia and only 2 years in England compared to my 6 years when I was in my 20s?
I spent 3 1/2 years in England in my early 40s. This time I decided to go to Salford, near Manchester. I would say that my stay in England this time was at the very least extremely influential when my development as a person eclipsed when I finally came to terms with myself, spiritually, mentally and physically. The year 2005, my 3rd year doing PhD was so eventful in my life, that when I come to think of that year, I was greatly blessed. The breakthrough that I had was tantamount to me fighting my biggest fear and with it came a responsibility that I never thought I would have to do, which I accepted and still am coming to terms with.
England is my spiritual home, my beginning of many things, and I am proud of this surrogate country of mine, for it bore witness to the many milestones in my life.
So here I am in England again, facing another huge challenge. Facing my truth, yet again.
Expectations kills you
It happens every time.
When you have your hopes high.
And when you expects too much.
From other people.
Because expectations kills you.
You cannot expect from other people to fulfill your wants.
They owe you nothing.
If they give anything to you, it is from their hearts.
You cannot force people to live up to your expectations.
You just hope for the best.
And enjoy and be blessed with whatever that is been Given.
Because you don't own anyone.
It's just the way it is.
When you have your hopes high.
And when you expects too much.
From other people.
Because expectations kills you.
You cannot expect from other people to fulfill your wants.
They owe you nothing.
If they give anything to you, it is from their hearts.
You cannot force people to live up to your expectations.
You just hope for the best.
And enjoy and be blessed with whatever that is been Given.
Because you don't own anyone.
It's just the way it is.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
To be what you want to be
When I was younger, it was difficult to be what I want to be. I had to break down barriers, within myself, my beliefs and my fears. Don't get me wrong. I am a Muslim more now than ever, but it is different now. I don't mimic any more. I do because I want to.
But we must always be grateful. Clean the slate of ourselves now and then. Purify. So that we could be clearer with our goals. We need to be some where we want to be.
But we must always be grateful. Clean the slate of ourselves now and then. Purify. So that we could be clearer with our goals. We need to be some where we want to be.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Chance to be Heroes
"Give yourself the chance
to be heroes."
(Rafa Benitez – Half time.
Ataturk Stadium. Istanbul.
25th May 2005)
How many of us give ourselves the chance to be heroes?
To be a hero is to be inspired in the highest level of competition.
Why must we compete?
We compete for ourselves to become better than we are.
To be a hero is to be against all odds. And to show up, stand and fight.
to be heroes."
(Rafa Benitez – Half time.
Ataturk Stadium. Istanbul.
25th May 2005)
How many of us give ourselves the chance to be heroes?
To be a hero is to be inspired in the highest level of competition.
Why must we compete?
We compete for ourselves to become better than we are.
To be a hero is to be against all odds. And to show up, stand and fight.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Facing the Truth
I am about to face the truth about my PhD Thesis.
I will just have to be strong and pray to God and submit to whatever that will happen...
I will just have to be strong and pray to God and submit to whatever that will happen...
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Fighting Spirit
Where do our thoughts come from?
The Will of God Created us and with it comes the human being that is us, with thoughts and the will to preserve and move forward and flourish and so on...
Somehow that was nurtured by conditions and parental love.
All matter and spirit come from God and human beings are the best example of perfection of all His creations but somehow also the most flawed.
To be able to be a vessel to be energised and expand oneself somehow needs a progressive element, push, desire, will, something to propel us forward, but actually it is not a something linear but cyclical. Something like pouring and receiving. Emptying and silence and then filled and pregnant... like a life force of beauty...
The fighting spirit is the momentum that spearhead the will and desire to fill in and empty out... the momentum could also be a trigger or impetus.
The Will of God Created us and with it comes the human being that is us, with thoughts and the will to preserve and move forward and flourish and so on...
Somehow that was nurtured by conditions and parental love.
All matter and spirit come from God and human beings are the best example of perfection of all His creations but somehow also the most flawed.
To be able to be a vessel to be energised and expand oneself somehow needs a progressive element, push, desire, will, something to propel us forward, but actually it is not a something linear but cyclical. Something like pouring and receiving. Emptying and silence and then filled and pregnant... like a life force of beauty...
The fighting spirit is the momentum that spearhead the will and desire to fill in and empty out... the momentum could also be a trigger or impetus.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
What is my PhD for?
I asked my mother just now "What is my PhD for?" I asked her because I was not serious in my preparation for my viva. I keep on doing other things. And I think I did a lousy thesis. I was really not confident about my thesis. I needed some strength from somewhere...so I asked my mother.
So my mother said "For your mom and dad." So I cried because I had never been a good daughter to them both and the only thing I got now is to give them this.
My mother added that "Remember when your father had to do his PhD and the difficulties he had. You had no problem, only some glitches here and there. Think about your friends and how they had to cope while juggling with their family and problems." My mother would further elaborate.
But the point was that I am so exhausted about the whole thing. I wanted my mother to remind me why I did the PhD.
I need to get back to the fighting spirit. To defend my thesis. Like I have been harping to my students to do. I have to do the same.
I have to think that I have something to contribute to the body of knowledge and that I had something worthwhile done. And that it was not wasting time, wasting paper and money.
I have to get the fighting spirit back, and that was why I have been this way.
So my mother said "For your mom and dad." So I cried because I had never been a good daughter to them both and the only thing I got now is to give them this.
My mother added that "Remember when your father had to do his PhD and the difficulties he had. You had no problem, only some glitches here and there. Think about your friends and how they had to cope while juggling with their family and problems." My mother would further elaborate.
But the point was that I am so exhausted about the whole thing. I wanted my mother to remind me why I did the PhD.
I need to get back to the fighting spirit. To defend my thesis. Like I have been harping to my students to do. I have to do the same.
I have to think that I have something to contribute to the body of knowledge and that I had something worthwhile done. And that it was not wasting time, wasting paper and money.
I have to get the fighting spirit back, and that was why I have been this way.
Going through the Motion
I don't like this at all. The feeling of dread and having to face the viva exam. I am beginning to freak out or am feeling rather nervous. I should be studying but I have tons of work to complete or maybe I am making excuses not to study.
I think about this PhD and its importance to me. Somehow it is suppose to be important to my career, but I am not feeling that. I was just so relieved that my supervisor excepted my submission which probably if I pass, have a million corrections for me to do. Probably I will have to take a year to do it, but that is the least of my worry, as I have been doing that all along...editing, correcting, over and over again. That part is fine. What is not fine is my overall state of mind. I feel that I am really tired - mentally. Is it a burn-out? I don't think so as I am constantly with ideas on my work as an architectural educationist. I am tired with tedium and going through the motion. At times I feel to be not motivated. I do things because I have to. I have to scare myself to do things.
Like, as lecturer, I tell myself, "This kid is failing, so I better say something..." or " The Council need some recommendations, I need to say something..."
Like what my student said, "Better said, than done." I am in the business of talking so I have to talk, but sometimes I wish I did not have to talk.
I think about this PhD and its importance to me. Somehow it is suppose to be important to my career, but I am not feeling that. I was just so relieved that my supervisor excepted my submission which probably if I pass, have a million corrections for me to do. Probably I will have to take a year to do it, but that is the least of my worry, as I have been doing that all along...editing, correcting, over and over again. That part is fine. What is not fine is my overall state of mind. I feel that I am really tired - mentally. Is it a burn-out? I don't think so as I am constantly with ideas on my work as an architectural educationist. I am tired with tedium and going through the motion. At times I feel to be not motivated. I do things because I have to. I have to scare myself to do things.
Like, as lecturer, I tell myself, "This kid is failing, so I better say something..." or " The Council need some recommendations, I need to say something..."
Like what my student said, "Better said, than done." I am in the business of talking so I have to talk, but sometimes I wish I did not have to talk.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I don't know what I've said
Choices that we could have made
Wasn't thinking from my head
Tell me if I am wrong
Tired of singing the old song
Could it be that I've forgotten
Will you ask me again the question
I was not thinking from my head
I don't know what I have said
Wasn't thinking from my head
Tell me if I am wrong
Tired of singing the old song
Could it be that I've forgotten
Will you ask me again the question
I was not thinking from my head
I don't know what I have said
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Mid life crisis
Mid life crisis does not necessarily happens when you are 50. It is not 100 divide by two. People have got it wrong.
It can happen any time in your life.
A 10 year old kid can have a mid life crisis, but perhaps that would be a mild one because his memory of himself started at 3 and a half...
I am having some sort of a crisis. I am not sure if its mid life, but the symptoms are very much in keeping with the definition of one.
For example, I am asking basic questions about: what am I doing? And, I keep seeing myself when I was 13 and 25, not at this age.
I never actually grew up. I just numbed myself through the pain of having to grow older. I am just holding my breath and breeze through my life, wanting to see everything with fresh eyes again and again.
It can happen any time in your life.
A 10 year old kid can have a mid life crisis, but perhaps that would be a mild one because his memory of himself started at 3 and a half...
I am having some sort of a crisis. I am not sure if its mid life, but the symptoms are very much in keeping with the definition of one.
For example, I am asking basic questions about: what am I doing? And, I keep seeing myself when I was 13 and 25, not at this age.
I never actually grew up. I just numbed myself through the pain of having to grow older. I am just holding my breath and breeze through my life, wanting to see everything with fresh eyes again and again.
Finding you
Finding you
Anonymous faces
Looking for the one
How long am I going to be this 13 year old kid
I waited this long because of you
You had to be real
You can never be a fantasy
You had to be some kind of a stranger
Finding you was not easy
Found you when I found me
Finding me was even harder
Anonymous faces
Looking for the one
How long am I going to be this 13 year old kid
I waited this long because of you
You had to be real
You can never be a fantasy
You had to be some kind of a stranger
Finding you was not easy
Found you when I found me
Finding me was even harder
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A Muslim in Malaysia
A muslim in Malaysia could be a foreigner, passing through at the airport's transit lounge and drinking latte at KLCC. I am not one of those. I am a muslim born and raised in Malaysia. I am a Malaysian.
Is there a cause to celebrate being a Malaysian? Perhaps there is, because we are not being bombed by rockets and missiles and I could safely drive around in my car without fear except for those crazy drivers zooming in and out from the left to the right lanes at top speeds.
Yes, I must celebrate immediately by making myself a cup of Cameronian tea (my favourite) savouring each sip before a metaphorical bomb blows up in front of me.
We are living on edge. Every minute of out lives. We take for granted every thing will be hunky dory, safe and sound. We wish not to speculate and live in fear, even if our house is located on a hill-slope as living in fear would paralyse us. We just carry on with our lives hoping for the best.
Malaysians have a devil-may-care attitude, simply because we are tired. Most of us cannot afford to live near our place of work and it is nothing to be driving 40 km back and forth every day to work. We just rushed in and out, making a few bucks along the way. Our quality of life - zilch!
This lamentation is borne out of a curiosity about what is enough in our lives. That question suddenly revealed itself to me. I need a strong conviction if I am to say, "I have enough with my life". Meaning I am satisfied with what I have.
I do not want to compare or justify about things. All I want to say is that I am so very satisfied with my life, until a bomb appear out of no where...are we thankful so far?
Is there a cause to celebrate being a Malaysian? Perhaps there is, because we are not being bombed by rockets and missiles and I could safely drive around in my car without fear except for those crazy drivers zooming in and out from the left to the right lanes at top speeds.
Yes, I must celebrate immediately by making myself a cup of Cameronian tea (my favourite) savouring each sip before a metaphorical bomb blows up in front of me.
We are living on edge. Every minute of out lives. We take for granted every thing will be hunky dory, safe and sound. We wish not to speculate and live in fear, even if our house is located on a hill-slope as living in fear would paralyse us. We just carry on with our lives hoping for the best.
Malaysians have a devil-may-care attitude, simply because we are tired. Most of us cannot afford to live near our place of work and it is nothing to be driving 40 km back and forth every day to work. We just rushed in and out, making a few bucks along the way. Our quality of life - zilch!
This lamentation is borne out of a curiosity about what is enough in our lives. That question suddenly revealed itself to me. I need a strong conviction if I am to say, "I have enough with my life". Meaning I am satisfied with what I have.
I do not want to compare or justify about things. All I want to say is that I am so very satisfied with my life, until a bomb appear out of no where...are we thankful so far?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Trying not to panic
My viva examination is around the corner, and I have to prepare for it. I will eventually do that and am trying to sort out many other things.
I realised that working in KL at a high level management capacity is really strenuous. You really need to know your stuff instinctively, especially if you set high standards for yourself. Preparation is often done quickly, getting key decisions done and (like driving in Malaysia) get into a defensive mode to line up your excuses.
I don't really like what is going on, but you are in the system and you have to work your way through with the system. You have to find meaningful activities rather than just skim through work.
KLites and other busy city dwellers would probably feel the same things and choose to prioritise and treat other activities in a "lip service" manner.
So what do you choose?
I feel that the group of people most unfortunate in these circumstances are those in the lower rungs of the hierarchy, like students. It is true that students demand more but then again it's a Catch 22 for them. Where is the monitoring to ensure delivery and how to make sure that what is delivered is top quality?
Well, getting back to my topic of conversation, I am trying not to panic as I would like a good start for the semester, for my students, for myself and this would feed-off to others.
Just a bit more to do and I will be able to read my thesis for the viva.
I realised that working in KL at a high level management capacity is really strenuous. You really need to know your stuff instinctively, especially if you set high standards for yourself. Preparation is often done quickly, getting key decisions done and (like driving in Malaysia) get into a defensive mode to line up your excuses.
I don't really like what is going on, but you are in the system and you have to work your way through with the system. You have to find meaningful activities rather than just skim through work.
KLites and other busy city dwellers would probably feel the same things and choose to prioritise and treat other activities in a "lip service" manner.
So what do you choose?
I feel that the group of people most unfortunate in these circumstances are those in the lower rungs of the hierarchy, like students. It is true that students demand more but then again it's a Catch 22 for them. Where is the monitoring to ensure delivery and how to make sure that what is delivered is top quality?
Well, getting back to my topic of conversation, I am trying not to panic as I would like a good start for the semester, for my students, for myself and this would feed-off to others.
Just a bit more to do and I will be able to read my thesis for the viva.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
About Life at 46
I felt complete the other day, although my life is not finished.
I have everything I ever needed finally. I may still want some things, but I need nothing more now.
Yes, I have come to a point in my life where I should be.
I Thank God for that. It hadn't really occurred before, but now I realised that. Because anything more added to my life now would be a luxury.
Strange as it seems, although I am anxious and tired with lots of aches and pains in my joints and sometimes overworked, I am where I am most happy.
It took some time for me to be able to arrive at this point.
I have everything I ever needed finally. I may still want some things, but I need nothing more now.
Yes, I have come to a point in my life where I should be.
I Thank God for that. It hadn't really occurred before, but now I realised that. Because anything more added to my life now would be a luxury.
Strange as it seems, although I am anxious and tired with lots of aches and pains in my joints and sometimes overworked, I am where I am most happy.
It took some time for me to be able to arrive at this point.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Public Transportation Issues
As we know it, public transportation includes the street environment, which is anything under the local authorities and highway departments that are beyond the gates of our private homes. Different departments are in-charge of different things.
I thought Penang should get it right faster than KL. The reason I am saying this is DBKL is looking at MPPP in terms of getting the street environment right.
As we know it, the Jabatan Bangunan, MPPP had collaborated with other departments to get some street environment right in Penang, so in Penang you actually have one department up and running knowing what to do. (Penang Road & Gurney Road projects)
If there are only low buses given at the end of the campaign, MPPP should design pavements to FLUSH (same height) with the threshold of the bus. We must make sure that the first potion of the bus (half) must have area for wheelchairs, pushchairs, luggage and seats for elderly and disabled people. If there is a split level, the front portion must be accessible.
The problem is also the maintenance of the road surface. In 1999, I had a discussion with an engineer from DBKL that stated that pavement levels could go higher than 6 inches (approx. 150mm) because when the road is repaired the contractor may just pour the bitumen and stuff without scraping the earlier road surface. This of course is nonsense and bad practice standards.
The pavement must not go higher than 150 mm as according to standards, the low floor buses were designed to flush with the 150 mm height pavements.
Then there is the awareness training and training of bus drivers to park parallel and close to the kerb (or curb) at the exact point to facilitate wheelchair users, physically disabled and blind people to board for example.
So many issues and so many departments to take care of so many things from training, policies, standards, design and implementation, not to mention bus stops, crossings, pavements and the buses themselves.
Who has to coordinate all these things?
We have to realise in Malaysia at this point in time, its the USERS. Its the NGOs.
Like it or not we have to WORK WITH the government in this matter, like so many other matters to do with the community, ie Women issues etc. We have to create Access Advisory Committees to work with the government departments.
Do we have enough people for this? Are we ready to work with the government when the situation arise?
Of course the campaign (to get all bus accessible) must go on. Of course we ask for everything to get it right in the first place. But we need to be ready for all possibilities.
I thought Penang should get it right faster than KL. The reason I am saying this is DBKL is looking at MPPP in terms of getting the street environment right.
As we know it, the Jabatan Bangunan, MPPP had collaborated with other departments to get some street environment right in Penang, so in Penang you actually have one department up and running knowing what to do. (Penang Road & Gurney Road projects)
If there are only low buses given at the end of the campaign, MPPP should design pavements to FLUSH (same height) with the threshold of the bus. We must make sure that the first potion of the bus (half) must have area for wheelchairs, pushchairs, luggage and seats for elderly and disabled people. If there is a split level, the front portion must be accessible.
The problem is also the maintenance of the road surface. In 1999, I had a discussion with an engineer from DBKL that stated that pavement levels could go higher than 6 inches (approx. 150mm) because when the road is repaired the contractor may just pour the bitumen and stuff without scraping the earlier road surface. This of course is nonsense and bad practice standards.
The pavement must not go higher than 150 mm as according to standards, the low floor buses were designed to flush with the 150 mm height pavements.
Then there is the awareness training and training of bus drivers to park parallel and close to the kerb (or curb) at the exact point to facilitate wheelchair users, physically disabled and blind people to board for example.
So many issues and so many departments to take care of so many things from training, policies, standards, design and implementation, not to mention bus stops, crossings, pavements and the buses themselves.
Who has to coordinate all these things?
We have to realise in Malaysia at this point in time, its the USERS. Its the NGOs.
Like it or not we have to WORK WITH the government in this matter, like so many other matters to do with the community, ie Women issues etc. We have to create Access Advisory Committees to work with the government departments.
Do we have enough people for this? Are we ready to work with the government when the situation arise?
Of course the campaign (to get all bus accessible) must go on. Of course we ask for everything to get it right in the first place. But we need to be ready for all possibilities.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Keeping the Shape and Form of Our Life
My life is one big creation. God had and is Creating my life as we blog. As a human being, I only could imagine it in awe, humbled by it all. And here I am trying to write a story, finish my thesis, design a programme... struggling with the shape and form of my creative endeavours.
I did write about this in my other blog. About creative intelligence and the importance of the shape and form. If it goes out of shape, the form goes as well. Another way of saying it is, I have to keep the form in shape. Words, words, words, it will never end. Never cease to tease my limited brain, my limited intelligence...
Focus, I'd say to myself, on keeping the shape and form of my work. And yet, time and time again, I keep on failing...
There are times in our life when the emotional involvement of ourselves is too great. So many things to work out and so many things to figure out. Life just stumps you. God Threw you a curve ball some time...you cannot see it coming!
You thought you had life figured out didn't you? You're just human, you are suppose to be stumped. Well at least now and then.
Keep the shape and form well...do not let it get out of shape. Keep it intact. Keep an eye on the ball and where it is going. Don't let you kick an own goal!
Liverpool FC had ten days to prepare and focus on that match that they played with Barcelona FC on the 21st February 2007. They had won that match. Everyone thought they would lose. They had prepared well judging on the result. Rafa Benitez the manager, went through meticulously what to do with all the team players. They were so focussed and also they had the spirit.
You cannot just prepare like a robot. There has to be passion and a great desire to want to win when you set out to do something. It is of no use just going through the motions.
The fire has to be lit, if it had died along the way. You just have to figure out how to lit the fire. So you have to stop awhile amidst life's noises and hectic rhythm and reflect. Listen carefully to what your heart is telling you. What is going on?
Becareful not to jump on any conclusion as you might kill your enthusiasm and blame on something that is not there or some small and minor thing in your life. You must find the reason for your lack of enthusiasm or lack of passion.
Maybe you had forgotten your promises to yourself. It is the worst thing you can do. It is easy to prove to another person, but to prove to yourself and to love yourself for doing well. That is difficult because it cannot be seen. There is no audience to cheer you on and give you an award.
In other words, there are many things in life that you need to achieve for yourself although others will be happy for you. Those things are hard because they take so long and you get distracted, so you have to learn how to keep those things together and not lose them.
You have to set your deadlines again and again, because it can drag, and you will lose interest.
End of story.
I did write about this in my other blog. About creative intelligence and the importance of the shape and form. If it goes out of shape, the form goes as well. Another way of saying it is, I have to keep the form in shape. Words, words, words, it will never end. Never cease to tease my limited brain, my limited intelligence...
Focus, I'd say to myself, on keeping the shape and form of my work. And yet, time and time again, I keep on failing...
There are times in our life when the emotional involvement of ourselves is too great. So many things to work out and so many things to figure out. Life just stumps you. God Threw you a curve ball some time...you cannot see it coming!
You thought you had life figured out didn't you? You're just human, you are suppose to be stumped. Well at least now and then.
Keep the shape and form well...do not let it get out of shape. Keep it intact. Keep an eye on the ball and where it is going. Don't let you kick an own goal!
Liverpool FC had ten days to prepare and focus on that match that they played with Barcelona FC on the 21st February 2007. They had won that match. Everyone thought they would lose. They had prepared well judging on the result. Rafa Benitez the manager, went through meticulously what to do with all the team players. They were so focussed and also they had the spirit.
You cannot just prepare like a robot. There has to be passion and a great desire to want to win when you set out to do something. It is of no use just going through the motions.
The fire has to be lit, if it had died along the way. You just have to figure out how to lit the fire. So you have to stop awhile amidst life's noises and hectic rhythm and reflect. Listen carefully to what your heart is telling you. What is going on?
Becareful not to jump on any conclusion as you might kill your enthusiasm and blame on something that is not there or some small and minor thing in your life. You must find the reason for your lack of enthusiasm or lack of passion.
Maybe you had forgotten your promises to yourself. It is the worst thing you can do. It is easy to prove to another person, but to prove to yourself and to love yourself for doing well. That is difficult because it cannot be seen. There is no audience to cheer you on and give you an award.
In other words, there are many things in life that you need to achieve for yourself although others will be happy for you. Those things are hard because they take so long and you get distracted, so you have to learn how to keep those things together and not lose them.
You have to set your deadlines again and again, because it can drag, and you will lose interest.
End of story.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Test Case or Court Case is the Answer
Often when we get frustrated about the state of affairs where Malaysian disabled people are facing discrimination on all fronts, may it be employment, education, transportation or housing, we need to learn from other countries and how they do it.
A recent test case proved to be a very good example of how the Disability Rights Commission (DRC) supported a British woman who is a carer to her son by ing her case to Europe and getting the European Court of Justice to judge her case.
It looks like a really long road for Malaysians to achieve similar goals as even the basic discriminatory practices cannot be solved, so how do we intend to solve cases like this, involving carers to disabled people. Research into disability issues are very limited on many aspects of disability.
At least we can learn from this test case and what Europe and Britain are doing in this respect.
Landmark test case could benefit millions of Britain’s carers
05/01/2007
A British woman received the green light to take her employment case to Europe later this year in a case that will have major implications for millions of Britain’s unpaid carers.
In a case jointly supported by the Disability Rights Commission (DRC) and Bates, Wells & Braithwaite solicitors, Sharon Coleman won the right for an unfair treatment claim against her employer - due to the primary caring role she has for her disabled son - to proceed before the European Court of Justice later this year.
The decision of the Employment Appeals Tribunal has been hailed by Equal Opportunities Commission and carers’ groups.
The case revolves around the interpretation of the EU’s equal treatment directive and its impact on UK disability discrimination legislation. The directive deals with equal treatment in employment and occupations and aims to combat discrimination on the grounds of religion, belief, disability, age or sexual orientation. Although she is not disabled, Ms Coleman’s lawyers contend that the directive protects her from unfair treatment which comes from her association with a disabled person. Associated discrimination is agreed by lawyers to be operative in cases of race and sexual orientation and the European Court of Justice’s decision would be the first time that disability discrimination will be considered to apply in these circumstances.
The DRC has argued strongly that associated discrimination should be an explicit feature of UK legislation.
Ms Coleman, who worked as a legal secretary for London solicitors Attridge Law, claims she was subjected to unfair treatment by her employers. In particular she claims:• she was criticised and described as ‘lazy’ when she wanted to take time off to care for her child;• on occasions when she was late for work because of problems with care for her child she was told that she would be sacked;• comments were made by her manager that her “f****** child” was “always f****** sick” and that she was using her child to manipulate her work conditions;• she was not allowed to work from home but other employees experienced no obstacles when wanting to care for their non-disabled children;• she was placed in a pool of staff selected for redundancy after she said that she wanted to make a formal request for flexible working to care for her child.
Ms Coleman claims that these actions created a hostile atmosphere which forced her to resign in March 2005. Speaking after the appeal decision she said:
“I was upset and shocked at the attitude of my former employers. They knew about my son's problems because I took him into the office, but they wouldn't allow me to work flexibly to make it easier to look after him. Other members of staff were taking time off for hospital appointments or worked from home but my requests were always turned down.
“When they heard that my son Oliver had a serious illness, they didn't expect me to return to work."
Currently 6 million people provide unpaid care in Britain, most of them women. Over a third of carers who provide 50 hours support or more per week have never worked or are currently unemployed.
Commenting on the decision of the employment appeal tribunal, Agnes Fletcher, Assistant Director of Communications at the DRC said:
“This case could have a major impact on the employment prospects of the 6 million people who provide unpaid care. Many of them have never been able to work. Others have struggled to balance work and caring responsibilities to the detriment of family life. Without providing protection from discrimination for carers and without family and employment policies that enable flexible working, many more British families will reach breaking point. The British economy needs those who provide care for disabled people to work, so that they can provide a decent income for their families and make provision for their pensions. Fairness at work for all employees benefits all of us.”
“Solving the problems faced by Ms Coleman and many thousands like her is the acid test for both Labour and the Conservatives’ family policies."
The case comes in advance of keynote policy announcements expected from Local Government and Communities Minister Ruth Kelly and Conservative Leader David Cameron in the New Year. These announcements are the result of increasing pressure from the DRC, EOC and carers’ groups to respond to Britain’s ‘care crisis’ and to put support to families at the top of the political agenda.
ENDS
Further information from the Disability Rights Commission Press Office on 0207 543 7099 or out of hours on 07813 060063.
A recent test case proved to be a very good example of how the Disability Rights Commission (DRC) supported a British woman who is a carer to her son by ing her case to Europe and getting the European Court of Justice to judge her case.
It looks like a really long road for Malaysians to achieve similar goals as even the basic discriminatory practices cannot be solved, so how do we intend to solve cases like this, involving carers to disabled people. Research into disability issues are very limited on many aspects of disability.
At least we can learn from this test case and what Europe and Britain are doing in this respect.
Landmark test case could benefit millions of Britain’s carers
05/01/2007
A British woman received the green light to take her employment case to Europe later this year in a case that will have major implications for millions of Britain’s unpaid carers.
In a case jointly supported by the Disability Rights Commission (DRC) and Bates, Wells & Braithwaite solicitors, Sharon Coleman won the right for an unfair treatment claim against her employer - due to the primary caring role she has for her disabled son - to proceed before the European Court of Justice later this year.
The decision of the Employment Appeals Tribunal has been hailed by Equal Opportunities Commission and carers’ groups.
The case revolves around the interpretation of the EU’s equal treatment directive and its impact on UK disability discrimination legislation. The directive deals with equal treatment in employment and occupations and aims to combat discrimination on the grounds of religion, belief, disability, age or sexual orientation. Although she is not disabled, Ms Coleman’s lawyers contend that the directive protects her from unfair treatment which comes from her association with a disabled person. Associated discrimination is agreed by lawyers to be operative in cases of race and sexual orientation and the European Court of Justice’s decision would be the first time that disability discrimination will be considered to apply in these circumstances.
The DRC has argued strongly that associated discrimination should be an explicit feature of UK legislation.
Ms Coleman, who worked as a legal secretary for London solicitors Attridge Law, claims she was subjected to unfair treatment by her employers. In particular she claims:• she was criticised and described as ‘lazy’ when she wanted to take time off to care for her child;• on occasions when she was late for work because of problems with care for her child she was told that she would be sacked;• comments were made by her manager that her “f****** child” was “always f****** sick” and that she was using her child to manipulate her work conditions;• she was not allowed to work from home but other employees experienced no obstacles when wanting to care for their non-disabled children;• she was placed in a pool of staff selected for redundancy after she said that she wanted to make a formal request for flexible working to care for her child.
Ms Coleman claims that these actions created a hostile atmosphere which forced her to resign in March 2005. Speaking after the appeal decision she said:
“I was upset and shocked at the attitude of my former employers. They knew about my son's problems because I took him into the office, but they wouldn't allow me to work flexibly to make it easier to look after him. Other members of staff were taking time off for hospital appointments or worked from home but my requests were always turned down.
“When they heard that my son Oliver had a serious illness, they didn't expect me to return to work."
Currently 6 million people provide unpaid care in Britain, most of them women. Over a third of carers who provide 50 hours support or more per week have never worked or are currently unemployed.
Commenting on the decision of the employment appeal tribunal, Agnes Fletcher, Assistant Director of Communications at the DRC said:
“This case could have a major impact on the employment prospects of the 6 million people who provide unpaid care. Many of them have never been able to work. Others have struggled to balance work and caring responsibilities to the detriment of family life. Without providing protection from discrimination for carers and without family and employment policies that enable flexible working, many more British families will reach breaking point. The British economy needs those who provide care for disabled people to work, so that they can provide a decent income for their families and make provision for their pensions. Fairness at work for all employees benefits all of us.”
“Solving the problems faced by Ms Coleman and many thousands like her is the acid test for both Labour and the Conservatives’ family policies."
The case comes in advance of keynote policy announcements expected from Local Government and Communities Minister Ruth Kelly and Conservative Leader David Cameron in the New Year. These announcements are the result of increasing pressure from the DRC, EOC and carers’ groups to respond to Britain’s ‘care crisis’ and to put support to families at the top of the political agenda.
ENDS
Further information from the Disability Rights Commission Press Office on 0207 543 7099 or out of hours on 07813 060063.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Transportation Issues
Public transportation for disabled people probably has a long way to go in Penang. Forget the low floor buses or the ramped kerbs, clearly now we have a diabolical situation. (See article below. ) The man on the street (minus the arthritis) is feeling so much pain of having to use a poor public transportation system in Penang, that it becomes a matter of survival to get from one place to another.
It is not often that we hear of people suing the government in Malaysia over the public transportation system, but when that happens, it is really a serious matter.
In fact, I am waiting for someone to do so, to see how this will turn out to be.
New Straits Times CVLB may face legal action for the poor public transport system in Penang By Audrey Dermawan 27 November, 2006
Legal action maybe taken against the Commercial Vehicle Licensing Board for failing to provide an efficient public transportation system in the State.
The Citizens for Public Transport (Cepat) is contemplating such a move. Its coordinator, Dr Choong Sim Poey, said today they will consult their legal advisors before initiating any action. Dr Choong said the thousands of commuters who are dependent on the daily bus services have had enough of the empty promises made by CVLB over the past eight months.
"It is not fair for the commuters to end up suffering as a result of the board's incompetency in handling the matter. "In fact, Cepat had on numerous occasions arranged for a meeting with CVLB chairman Markiman Kobiran to address the issue but to no avail. "If he or CVLB officials continue to shun us, then it is best we see one another in court," he told a Press conference today.
Cepat, a non-governmental coalition comprising 24 civil society groups in Penang, has been in the forefront in championing for better bus services since the revamped of the public transportation system on April 1. Under the Specific Relief Act, citizens have the right to sue a statutary body, in this case CVLB, if it fails to perform the duty entrusted to it.
CVLB is entrusted with the responsibility of regulating public transport. Dr Choong said Cepat had wanted to file legal action against CVLB much earlier but had to put the plan on hold following repeated appeals by the State Government. "It seems to me that the state authority is not of any help at all... the bus services have gotten from bad to worse. And the people are really unhappy," he said, adding Cepat would give CVLB until Dec 15 to meet and "talk things out" or be prepared to face the consequences. The State Local Government and Traffic Management committee chairman Datuk Dr Teng Hock Nan and CVLB northern region chairman Shah Headan Ayoob Shah could not be reached for comment.
(Penang Watch Link)
It is not often that we hear of people suing the government in Malaysia over the public transportation system, but when that happens, it is really a serious matter.
In fact, I am waiting for someone to do so, to see how this will turn out to be.
New Straits Times CVLB may face legal action for the poor public transport system in Penang By Audrey Dermawan 27 November, 2006
Legal action maybe taken against the Commercial Vehicle Licensing Board for failing to provide an efficient public transportation system in the State.
The Citizens for Public Transport (Cepat) is contemplating such a move. Its coordinator, Dr Choong Sim Poey, said today they will consult their legal advisors before initiating any action. Dr Choong said the thousands of commuters who are dependent on the daily bus services have had enough of the empty promises made by CVLB over the past eight months.
"It is not fair for the commuters to end up suffering as a result of the board's incompetency in handling the matter. "In fact, Cepat had on numerous occasions arranged for a meeting with CVLB chairman Markiman Kobiran to address the issue but to no avail. "If he or CVLB officials continue to shun us, then it is best we see one another in court," he told a Press conference today.
Cepat, a non-governmental coalition comprising 24 civil society groups in Penang, has been in the forefront in championing for better bus services since the revamped of the public transportation system on April 1. Under the Specific Relief Act, citizens have the right to sue a statutary body, in this case CVLB, if it fails to perform the duty entrusted to it.
CVLB is entrusted with the responsibility of regulating public transport. Dr Choong said Cepat had wanted to file legal action against CVLB much earlier but had to put the plan on hold following repeated appeals by the State Government. "It seems to me that the state authority is not of any help at all... the bus services have gotten from bad to worse. And the people are really unhappy," he said, adding Cepat would give CVLB until Dec 15 to meet and "talk things out" or be prepared to face the consequences. The State Local Government and Traffic Management committee chairman Datuk Dr Teng Hock Nan and CVLB northern region chairman Shah Headan Ayoob Shah could not be reached for comment.
(Penang Watch Link)
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Perbuatan mengetepikan orang kurang upaya dari masyarakat
(Marginalisation of disabled people from society)
Orang kurang upaya di Malaysia masih diketepikan oleh masyarakat. Walaupun kesedaran yang situasi ini masih berlaku tetapi usaha untuk memperbaiki keadaan adalah kurang memuaskan dan lambat diimplementasikan. Ini disebabkan pendekatan yang tidak merujuk kepada punca sebenar masalah yang dihadapi oleh orang kurang upaya.
Kita imbas semula kepada situasi yang sama tetapi berlaku di tahun-tahun 1970an di United Kingdom. Pada masa itu, orang kurang upaya telah bergiat untuk cuba mempengaruhi kerajaan UK supaya menukarkan polisi dan pendekatan yang berdasarkan Model Perubatan Kitidakupayaan atau Medical Model of Disability.
Pemahaman ini adalah berdasarkan orang kurang upaya sebagai punca masalah. Orang kurang upaya perlu menyesuaikan diri mereka dalam masyarakat, dan jikalau mereka tidak dapat berbuat demikian, mereka harus ditempatkan di institusi khas yang dibina untuk mereka atau tinggal di rumah sahaja.
Keadaan di United Kingdom pada tahun 1970an menggambarkan secara dekat apa yang berlaku di Malaysia sekarang, di mana orang kurang upaya bergantung sepenuhnya dengan orang lain iaitu dependent dan juga mengalami diskriminasi. Orang kurang upaya diberikan jenis belas kasihan yang tidak menolong dan secara luaran sahaja, tetapi sebenarnya mereka perlukan pertolongan untuk berdikari dan memajukan diri sendiri. Perbualan dengan orang lain selalunya memfokuskan kepada kecacatan seseorang itu dan negativity dan bukan perkara-perkara yang boleh mendorong mereka untuk mencapai cita-cita.
Orang kurang upaya terpaksa menghadapi sikap yang ""patronizing" daripada orang lain, dan ini boleh dilihat dari masalah persekitaran dan sikap yang banyak halangan dan tidak memberikan peluang sama-rata kepada mereka. Masalah untuk menggunakan sistem pengangkutan awam, untuk melanjutkan pelajaran, perumahan yang tidak boleh capai dan guna adalah di antara isu-isu yang menyekat pergerakan orang kurang upaya untuk memajukan diri.
Pendekata, sikap orang lain terhadap orang kurang upaya adalah punca masalah yang dialami oleh mereka.
Seperti yang dikatakan tadi, Malaysia masih mengamalkan Model Perubatan Ketidakupayaan.
Saya akan menceritakan apa yang berlaku beberapa tahun yang lalu, di mana seorang pelajar yang kurang upaya fizikalnya telah mendapat peluang untuk melanjutkan pelajaran di Fakulti Perubatan, Universiti Malaya. Beliau telah mencuba sedaya upaya untuk menghadiri kuliah dan menyiapkan tugasan tetapi keadaan alam bina yang banyak halangan serta persekitaran yang tidak membantu telah menghampakannya. Beliau terpaksa mengambil kursus di Fakulti Sains pula tetapi masalah yang sama menyekat kemajuannya. Akhir sekali beliau terpaksa mendapat sijil dari institusi pengajian swasta dalam jurusan Teknologi Maklumat.
Adakah beliau telah gagal atau pihak universiti telah gagal membantu beliau?
Kalau dilihat dari perspektif Model Perubatan Ketidakupayaan, tentu sekali pelajar tersebut adalah punca masalah, di mana beliau tidak dapat sesuaikan dirinya dengan alam sekitar. Tetapi bila dilihat pada keseluruhannya, masalah ketidakbolehcapaian ini adalah tanggungjawab institusi yang mengambil keputusan di peringkat perancangan dan rekabentuk bangunan, atau di peringkat pengurusan pelajar.
Kita perlu menyesuaikan Model Sosial Ketidakupayaan yang menekankan punca masalah iaitu diskriminasi "institutional" wujud di dalam masyarakat itu sendiri. Jadi seperti yang diamalkan di UK, polisi, perancangan awal dan reka bentuk serta pengurusan alam bina dan pengangkutan awam dirombak semula dengan menggunakan Model Sosial Ketidakupayaan yang mengutamakan kebolehcapaian dan alam bina bebas halangan.
Pada kesimpulan, kita perlu menuju kepada arah yang sama untuk membina masyarakat yang lebih berperihatin supaya semua ahli masyarakat, tidak kira siapa, dapat berdikari dan bebas halangan untuk memajukan diri mereka.
Orang kurang upaya di Malaysia masih diketepikan oleh masyarakat. Walaupun kesedaran yang situasi ini masih berlaku tetapi usaha untuk memperbaiki keadaan adalah kurang memuaskan dan lambat diimplementasikan. Ini disebabkan pendekatan yang tidak merujuk kepada punca sebenar masalah yang dihadapi oleh orang kurang upaya.
Kita imbas semula kepada situasi yang sama tetapi berlaku di tahun-tahun 1970an di United Kingdom. Pada masa itu, orang kurang upaya telah bergiat untuk cuba mempengaruhi kerajaan UK supaya menukarkan polisi dan pendekatan yang berdasarkan Model Perubatan Kitidakupayaan atau Medical Model of Disability.
Pemahaman ini adalah berdasarkan orang kurang upaya sebagai punca masalah. Orang kurang upaya perlu menyesuaikan diri mereka dalam masyarakat, dan jikalau mereka tidak dapat berbuat demikian, mereka harus ditempatkan di institusi khas yang dibina untuk mereka atau tinggal di rumah sahaja.
Keadaan di United Kingdom pada tahun 1970an menggambarkan secara dekat apa yang berlaku di Malaysia sekarang, di mana orang kurang upaya bergantung sepenuhnya dengan orang lain iaitu dependent dan juga mengalami diskriminasi. Orang kurang upaya diberikan jenis belas kasihan yang tidak menolong dan secara luaran sahaja, tetapi sebenarnya mereka perlukan pertolongan untuk berdikari dan memajukan diri sendiri. Perbualan dengan orang lain selalunya memfokuskan kepada kecacatan seseorang itu dan negativity dan bukan perkara-perkara yang boleh mendorong mereka untuk mencapai cita-cita.
Orang kurang upaya terpaksa menghadapi sikap yang ""patronizing" daripada orang lain, dan ini boleh dilihat dari masalah persekitaran dan sikap yang banyak halangan dan tidak memberikan peluang sama-rata kepada mereka. Masalah untuk menggunakan sistem pengangkutan awam, untuk melanjutkan pelajaran, perumahan yang tidak boleh capai dan guna adalah di antara isu-isu yang menyekat pergerakan orang kurang upaya untuk memajukan diri.
Pendekata, sikap orang lain terhadap orang kurang upaya adalah punca masalah yang dialami oleh mereka.
Seperti yang dikatakan tadi, Malaysia masih mengamalkan Model Perubatan Ketidakupayaan.
Saya akan menceritakan apa yang berlaku beberapa tahun yang lalu, di mana seorang pelajar yang kurang upaya fizikalnya telah mendapat peluang untuk melanjutkan pelajaran di Fakulti Perubatan, Universiti Malaya. Beliau telah mencuba sedaya upaya untuk menghadiri kuliah dan menyiapkan tugasan tetapi keadaan alam bina yang banyak halangan serta persekitaran yang tidak membantu telah menghampakannya. Beliau terpaksa mengambil kursus di Fakulti Sains pula tetapi masalah yang sama menyekat kemajuannya. Akhir sekali beliau terpaksa mendapat sijil dari institusi pengajian swasta dalam jurusan Teknologi Maklumat.
Adakah beliau telah gagal atau pihak universiti telah gagal membantu beliau?
Kalau dilihat dari perspektif Model Perubatan Ketidakupayaan, tentu sekali pelajar tersebut adalah punca masalah, di mana beliau tidak dapat sesuaikan dirinya dengan alam sekitar. Tetapi bila dilihat pada keseluruhannya, masalah ketidakbolehcapaian ini adalah tanggungjawab institusi yang mengambil keputusan di peringkat perancangan dan rekabentuk bangunan, atau di peringkat pengurusan pelajar.
Kita perlu menyesuaikan Model Sosial Ketidakupayaan yang menekankan punca masalah iaitu diskriminasi "institutional" wujud di dalam masyarakat itu sendiri. Jadi seperti yang diamalkan di UK, polisi, perancangan awal dan reka bentuk serta pengurusan alam bina dan pengangkutan awam dirombak semula dengan menggunakan Model Sosial Ketidakupayaan yang mengutamakan kebolehcapaian dan alam bina bebas halangan.
Pada kesimpulan, kita perlu menuju kepada arah yang sama untuk membina masyarakat yang lebih berperihatin supaya semua ahli masyarakat, tidak kira siapa, dapat berdikari dan bebas halangan untuk memajukan diri mereka.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Bibik Hitam - Heritage in Penang
This article was taken from STAR online:
The Star Online > North
Tuesday July 18, 2006
A glimpse into Peranakan past
IN her baju panjang (long blouse) and the inevitable pinned hanky, Bibik Hitam was the epitome of a 19th century Nyonya matriarch.
Never mind that 'she' was really 62-year-old Mohd Bah-roodin Ahmad, better known as Cikgu Bahroodin or Cikgu Baha, who won a Living Heritage Treasures of Penang Award 2005.
Bibik Hitam – An Intimate Tour of a Nyonya House is the latest inception in the Le- buh Acheh – Lebuh Armenian (LALA) heritage area.
It offers visitors a 'live' glim-pse into the everyday life of the Peranakan people through the tales of the sprightly Bibik.
Sauntering in where visi- tors were sitting expectantly around a tok panjang (banquet table) in her Straits Chinese 'home' at 120, Armenian Street, Bibik was heralded by the rhy-thmic beat of a kompang, transporting everyone back a hundred years.
CENTRE OF ATTENTION:Bibik performing some dance steps at her Straits Chinese 'home'.
COFFEE BREAK:Visitors were served refreshments from old-fashioned ceramic cups and saucers.As her husband’s concubine, Bibik's secret to marital bliss was to jaga badan and jaga sua-mi (take care of her body and her husband),
Speaking in English, Malay and Baba Hokkien, Bibik told tales of her childhood. She spoke of the girls in her house who sat making beaded shoes and of her maidenly blush at a Chap Goh Meh orange throwing.
Weaved into her tales were bits and pieces of factual history, such as Chinese nationalist Dr Sun Yat-Sen (her 'son') useing that very house to hold his revolution meetings.
Bibik also showed a step or two of the 'laughing conga', 'samba' and 'ronggeng', authentic dance moves as Cikgu Bah-roodin has over 25 years of ex-perience in the Malay performing arts.
After the half-hour show, li-mited to 20 people each time, Bibik reappeared out of character to mingle with the guests and serve them nutmeg juice, coffee and Nyonya kuih.
The show will be held every Saturday at 9.30am and 11am until October. Admission of RM20 includes refreshments and bookings can be made through Adeline (012-3175 498/04-2620123).
© 1995-2005 Star Publications (Malaysia) Bhd (Co No 10894-D)
The Star Online > North
Tuesday July 18, 2006
A glimpse into Peranakan past
IN her baju panjang (long blouse) and the inevitable pinned hanky, Bibik Hitam was the epitome of a 19th century Nyonya matriarch.
Never mind that 'she' was really 62-year-old Mohd Bah-roodin Ahmad, better known as Cikgu Bahroodin or Cikgu Baha, who won a Living Heritage Treasures of Penang Award 2005.
Bibik Hitam – An Intimate Tour of a Nyonya House is the latest inception in the Le- buh Acheh – Lebuh Armenian (LALA) heritage area.
It offers visitors a 'live' glim-pse into the everyday life of the Peranakan people through the tales of the sprightly Bibik.
Sauntering in where visi- tors were sitting expectantly around a tok panjang (banquet table) in her Straits Chinese 'home' at 120, Armenian Street, Bibik was heralded by the rhy-thmic beat of a kompang, transporting everyone back a hundred years.
CENTRE OF ATTENTION:Bibik performing some dance steps at her Straits Chinese 'home'.
COFFEE BREAK:Visitors were served refreshments from old-fashioned ceramic cups and saucers.As her husband’s concubine, Bibik's secret to marital bliss was to jaga badan and jaga sua-mi (take care of her body and her husband),
Speaking in English, Malay and Baba Hokkien, Bibik told tales of her childhood. She spoke of the girls in her house who sat making beaded shoes and of her maidenly blush at a Chap Goh Meh orange throwing.
Weaved into her tales were bits and pieces of factual history, such as Chinese nationalist Dr Sun Yat-Sen (her 'son') useing that very house to hold his revolution meetings.
Bibik also showed a step or two of the 'laughing conga', 'samba' and 'ronggeng', authentic dance moves as Cikgu Bah-roodin has over 25 years of ex-perience in the Malay performing arts.
After the half-hour show, li-mited to 20 people each time, Bibik reappeared out of character to mingle with the guests and serve them nutmeg juice, coffee and Nyonya kuih.
The show will be held every Saturday at 9.30am and 11am until October. Admission of RM20 includes refreshments and bookings can be made through Adeline (012-3175 498/04-2620123).
© 1995-2005 Star Publications (Malaysia) Bhd (Co No 10894-D)
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The Education of an Architect
I am involved in the Education of an Architect. What is meant by that? I work in a university and I was trained as an architect and now as a researcher. I picked up a lot of other skills and now I am faced with another journey in educating students who wants to be architects or who may not end up as architects as we have clearly know.
In a series of blog posts I wish to explore the idea of what constitutes the factors in educating an architect. I can pursue several approaches where, I only concentrate on providing the training necessary for the students to acquire skills pertaining to only being an architect at the end of the day, or provide a generic set of skills, or in way looking at providing the core skills and enhancing those skills further by providing depth to the skills. These are assertions that I wish to explore and try to rationalise the philosophy behind educating the students to be architects.
Since our school had been recognised by the RIBA we seek the definition explained by the RIBA. Book by the Cooper Union.
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